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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23715553">sit back and watch the world go by</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Balthamos/pseuds/Balthamos'>Balthamos</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>lord it'd be great to find a place we could escape sometime [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Druck | SKAM (Germany)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Autistic Matteo, Demisexual Matteo, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Family Reconcilliation, Film Student David, Issues with Parents, M/M, Mental Health Issues, University</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:40:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>25,461</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23715553</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Balthamos/pseuds/Balthamos</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Ninety years?” Matteo asked softly, eyes filled with wonder.<br/>“Yeah minimum,” David said.<br/>“Can’t believe you’ll put up with me that long,” Matteo said.<br/>“I’ll put up with you until the end of time Matteo Florenzi,” David whispered.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Matteo Florenzi/David (Druck)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>lord it'd be great to find a place we could escape sometime [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1708066</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>90</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>sit back and watch the world go by</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So there I was working on my Future/Family fic that I’m about halfway done with while putting off going for a run (my daily allowed exercise!). And just as my fics usually begin with an errant thought, this one started on the thought that David in this verse would probably be about ready to start running. And that was all it was supposed to be about. Two days later this is what it became. I don’t even really know what this is apart from David just being absolutely gone on Matteo, like always, and the two of them being as domestic as possible on a lazy Saturday.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>David had been up for almost half an hour now, woken by Laura and her ridiculous Linn drama. Four-thirty in the damn morning just to overanalyse some text messages. She'd gotten several choice words in response and he told to come over later that morning when he was conscious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, he was up, he was awake and he didn't want to go back to sleep. Yesterday at physio Daniel had told him he was fine to start running. Carefully. As long as he didn't push himself. He’d also been shown some more stretches to do at home. He’d headed straight back to the apartment to try them out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Matteo had seen him doing them he’d joined in and it had looked like they were doing some bizarre yoga. David had commented as such and Matteo had found videos of yoga safe for post-surgery.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So they’d tried it. The two of them in their boxers, sunlight streaming into the apartment bathing them in golden light. Gentle lo-fi playing from Matteo’s phone. A tiny space cleared for them to stretch. They’d used blankets from the sofa instead of mats. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been a disaster of course. Matteo was not that flexible and David could only do the sitting moves and not even raise his arms. They’d ended up laying there on the blankets they’d put out, just doing the breathing and trying to make each other laugh. But it had been fun.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo was better at the balancing than him somehow, which was funny because he could barely walk in a straight line when they were out together, but if he got his focus just right he could stand on one leg for ages. He got into this peaceful state and went completely still. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>David couldn’t balance because he couldn’t risk falling and jerking out his arms, so he just lay and watched Matteo through most of it. It was nice, seeing him still and calm like that. He’d seen him doing it to calm his breathing before, but it was better when there was no urgent need for it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now he wanted to run, was itching to get started. But Matteo wouldn't wake up. He always woke when David did but the one time David wanted to get up he decided to stay asleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had been out for drinks with Leonie and Sara the night before, to celebrate Sara’s continuing successes at theatre school. Leonie insisted it was not a double date. It was a double date. But it was also just four good friends hanging out and having fun. They’d drunk a little, except David because of his recovery, and danced a lot, even Matteo although he’d been practically attached to David almost the entire time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he and Matteo hadn’t stayed out too late, they’d left Leonie and Sara in the bar around eleven and gone straight home. So there was no reason for Matteo to still be sleeping. Aside from the fact it was five in the morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David stared at him curled up on the bed. They were sharing again, for about a week now. He'd only had to shove Matteo off him twice. But even in his sleep Matteo was being gentle, not clinging as hard as usual. He was just a bit too heavy to have draped across him right now. David hoped he wasn't becoming conditioned not to be clingy. That subconsciously he would just know when it was safe again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right, this required drastic action. He climbed onto the bed, kneeling over Matteo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He peered closer and frowned. Matteo was already awake, eyes still closed, pretending to sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wake up!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Matteo muttered, he kept his eyes closed but reached out to swat David away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Wake up Matteo," David insisted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No," Matteo whined. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Matteo," David said, his voice high pitched and sing-song. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo rolled over to face the wall, rolling right into David's lap. He groaned and tried to pull away but David held him in place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Go away David," he said, reaching out for a pillow and putting it over his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I wanna go for a run," David said, pulling the pillow from his hands and tossing it aside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tilted Matteo's head with a gentle hand on his chin, turning him to face him. Slowly he shifted on the bed so he was lying on his back. He turned his face to Matteo's and kissed the tip of his nose, his sleep reddened cheeks, and finally his soft pink lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo scrunched his eyes closed tighter but he smiled and his lips parted. He sighed contentedly and David kissed him again and again until finally he opened his eyes and met David's. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>David had no idea if he was trying to look annoyed but he was failing. There was nothing but fondness in his eyes. They drifted closed again but he was awake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why are you even awake?" he asked quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Laura called me half an hour ago with Linn drama so…" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He reached out and stroked Matteo's hair from his forehead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"All ok?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I think so, told her to come over later, in the daytime," David said, sitting up and climbing over Matteo to stand in front of him, "plus I'm excited," he told him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo turned so he was on his other side and squinted at him suspiciously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"To run?" he asked like he'd never heard a bigger lie in his life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah," David said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the truth, he wanted to get out, to run, to show off to Matteo. Although he didn't know about that part yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ok have fun," Matteo said, pulling the heavy blankets back over himself, curling up as he wrapped himself back up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>David didn’t know how he didn’t suffocate like that, it was spring and the days were getting warmer but still, Matteo insisted on the thickest of blankets. It was no substitute for having David curled around him, holding him tight though, Matteo had told him as much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nope you gotta come with me," David said, his voice soft and sweet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had no effect. Matteo levelled him with a stare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No," he said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Time to play dirty. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But what if I pass out?" he asked innocently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo was upright in seconds, blankets cast aside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate you,” he said groggily, his voice deep and heavy with sleep, "what time is it?"  he asked, looking around the dark room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was starting to get light out, David had already checked but the heavy curtains Sam and Hanna had made them kept it dark in here. Blocking out the morning sun until they were ready for it, and the same with the streetlights at night. The only light in there right now came from the small bedside lamp, painting the room in a soft yellow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Five,” he told him, grinning his amusement as Matteo’s jaw dropped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Five!” he exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah we’ve gotta go early before everyone wakes up, I don’t want anyone to see if I can’t manage,” David explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo just shook his head slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanna die,” he muttered, “it’s Saturday David.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Up up up,” David said, pretending to pull Matteo up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god you’re a nightmare,” Matteo groaned but he got up and stumbled to the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was muttering to himself about David and his mad obsession for exercise as he went. David just laughed at his dramatics and went over to the wardrobe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The apartment was a mess. Now that he was feeling so much stronger Matteo had pulled the bed out for him to paint the wall. Sam had been over last week to help with the higher parts. She’d done all the outlining and then she and Matteo had made a start on the birds and the tops of the trees, the bits that David couldn’t reach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she’d promised to help if they were going to change it. It was taking a long time this time around because they were starting from scratch and David was still recovering. Next time it wouldn’t be such a big job.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David changed into his running gear, a vest top and light shorts. He’d already gotten washed up while he’d been waiting for Matteo, to help wake himself up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He switched off the lamp and drew the curtains back, flooding the room with the cool blue morning light. He laid out an old t-shirt and pair of joggers for Matteo, knowing it was unlikely he was going to get him in shorts at this time in the morning. Or at all until it was at least thirty degrees out. But it was still cold at the moment so David grabbed a hoodie for him too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo came back in with two steaming cups of coffee, David went over to the sofa and pushed some of the art stuff to the floor so they could sit down. It was kind of everywhere at the moment, and the other reason Matteo couldn't sleep on the sofa anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t seem too stressed about the mess right now. Probably because he was happy David was able to paint and he knew once it was done they’d tidy up and keep it that way. David hoped it wasn’t that he wasn’t voicing his concerns about the mess, he’d rather hear it than Matteo keep silent on the matter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was taking longer than he’d originally planned and even David was starting to get annoyed at the state of the apartment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo sat down next to him and handed him his coffee. He didn’t speak, just sat back and closed his eyes. He sighed but he wasn’t tired, David knew tired, this was something else. He wouldn’t have woken him or made him get up if he hadn’t been sleeping properly, or if his body was lethargic with exhaustion. But he figured Matteo could do with a boost to start the day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok?” he asked gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo shrugged, he opened his eyes but didn’t turn to David yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not too tired?” David checked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d already been awake when David “woke” him, he would have gotten up within the hour anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something was off though if he’d been pretending to sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David just watched him, there was no rush. Even if they didn’t go for another hour or two, it would still be quiet out. Today was probably going to be a quiet day. Not necessarily silent but all signs were pointing to Matteo not wanting to talk much, maybe he’d want David to fill the silence maybe he wouldn’t. Or perhaps if he shared his burdens he might want to talk again. David didn’t mind, either way, was just happy to be in his company regardless. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was always happy to spend his time with Matteo no matter how chatty or quiet he was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the plan for today?” Matteo asked after a while, finally looking towards him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll go for a run,” David started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo huffed, and frowned at him, not convinced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok we’ll go for a walk slash run,” David said, knowing just as well as Matteo did that he probably wouldn’t be able to go that far just yet. “Let’s just get some fresh air,” he continued, “You’re not working today?” he checked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No not today,” Matteo said, voice just a breath above a whisper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He slowly sipped his coffee. David just watched him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool, so then we’ll come back. I do have a couple of essays to write, one on technical advances in film, a critique on different production methods, I’m about half done already. The other is on the new queer cinema movement, but obviously, if I start with that I’ll ignore the other one because it’s a bit dry. And I should probably work a bit more on the film. But I wanna work on the wall this afternoon, so I was thinking of putting all the schoolwork off till tonight or tomorrow if you wanted to do something tonight? The deadline isn’t looming or anything,” he suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had a couple of weeks to get them done. And he was good at applying himself when he needed to. So he didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to study today. Although he knew he probably should. He knew they wouldn’t be going out but maybe they could just chill, watch a movie or something, just hang out. Whatever Matteo wanted to do David didn’t mind. But it was pretty likely they wouldn’t be up late, so he could get up early and study all day tomorrow if he needed to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want to help with the wall?” David asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Matteo?” he said gently, shifting closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo immediately pressed himself against David, so David wrapped his arm low around his waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel wrong today,” he mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah? In what way?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dunno, just wrong,” he said, shrugging.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But David waited, he was shrugging a lot which meant he had more to say but wasn’t sure about voicing it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just… I don’t know everything, I have things to do but I just don’t want to,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What things?” David asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just… Amira sent me some stuff to read for school to get a head start but like I haven’t even got in yet. But even though applications haven’t closed yet, they’ve already gotten back to me, sent me some links. I have to fill out all this disability stuff. And I told papa I’d call him today but if I’m like this I don’t want to talk to him, I don’t want him to think something’s wrong. It’s a mess in here, I know I said it was ok but it’s stressing me out. We need to do laundry but I don’t even know where it is. We need to get groceries but I don’t think I can go to the store, I feel too nervous. And Lea’s moved my appointment back a couple of days, and she rang to ask if it was ok and I said yes and I should have said no, that I needed it but I didn’t and just… what’s the fucking point? I just want to go back to bed,” he said, groaning in frustration, he buried his head in his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David just smiled gently at him, pulling his hands away from his face and pulling him closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t do that,” Matteo muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Be all patient, just tell me to pull myself together,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you?” David asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” he said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tugged at Matteo until he was in his lap. He pulled him closer still and pressed a kiss to his forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So make a new plan,” he suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo finally looked at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Make a new plan for the day, you want to go back to bed because you can’t face it right? You’re not like exhausted or anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No I’m not even tired,” Matteo agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So can you? Face the day I mean? I’m not going to make you get up, or go out if you really can’t but can you break it down and make it manageable?” David asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate you,” Matteo mumbled, rubbing his forehead hard against David’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David tangled his fingers in Matteo’s hair, trying to comfort him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” he asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So damn reasonable,” he muttered but David could hear the relief in his voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So we run?” Matteo suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah that should take up about two hours,” David joked, knowing he was unlikely to even manage half an hour.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Twenty minutes David, you were huffing and puffing after a brisk walk the other day,” Matteo teased, smiling now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David felt the tension leaving him and he relaxed too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck you Matteo! You’ll have a fucking heart-attack after five minutes,” he said, although he knew that wasn’t true.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was pretty sure Matteo was just holding out on him on this whole exercise thing. Refusing to come with him to the gym because he just didn’t want to, not because he couldn’t. Ok, he probably wasn’t in any shape to just run ten kilometres right off the bat but he would likely keep up with David just fine today.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo just stuck out his tongue. He knew it too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do we </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> groceries?” David asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No… if you don’t mind pasta all week, but we’ll need bread at least,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok then, on the way back I’ll get us a few bits from the shop, bread and milk and stuff. I’ll get us some cakes too, and you can wait outside,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So then we’ll come back, have breakfast, chill for an hour, then what?” David asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Paint?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David shook his head, glancing over at the wall. It would be done by the end of the weekend but they could start tidying today. There was no need for it to be this much of a mess. It was bothering him too, it was his apartment, he wanted it to look nice. Wanted not to have to move a pile of stuff every time he wanted to sit down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we paint in the afternoon? The light is better then,” he told Matteo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo just gave him a look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is,” David insisted, what did he know? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His boyfriend was happy to sit in the dark like a mushroom, he knew nothing about the light David needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking at him with that smug look on his face, he just knew Matteo was thinking he was pretentious. He didn’t voice it though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok Picasso,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David rolled his eyes and kissed that smirk off his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll tidy up a bit today, all the paint stuff can go down in the corner over there, and we’ll sort out the laundry too,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah it’s getting on my nerves too,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok so this morning I can fill out the disability forms,” Matteo suggested, “I think I’ll leave Amira’s reading for now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’ll understand, she’s sent it because you were excited, not because it’s something you need to do. Need any help with the forms?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe, probably,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok just let me know,” David said, he’d leave him to it and intervene if he saw him getting too frustrated, “and Laura should be over around ten, so she can help if I can’t,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok thanks,” Matteo said, “should I call papa?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah but not when I’m… like this,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David pressed a kiss to his temple.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then send him a text, but maybe you’ll feel better by tonight. I’m sure he’ll want to hear from you either way,” David said, he pushed Matteo off his lap and stood up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, what about Lea?” Matteo asked, standing up too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That I think you have two options, call her and reschedule, or stick it out,” David suggested, taking Matteo’s cup and heading to the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo followed him and waited in the doorway, leaning against it, watching him rinse out the cups.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I need it sooner, I’ll call her,” Matteo decided.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She might not be able to see you,” David warned, putting the cups away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No I know,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell her about how stressed this made you, that maybe she could be extra careful about rescheduling,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I… I didn’t want to be difficult,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know babe, you’re too sweet for your own good,” David said, hanging the tea towel on the rail and walking over to Matteo, pushing him out of the kitchen, “so running?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god,” Matteo groaned, but he allowed him to drag him over to the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabbed the clothes he’d laid out and flung them at Matteo. He huffed and grumbled but changed into them anyway, then headed to the bathroom to clean up. When he was ready they grabbed their trainers and headed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The moment they got downstairs and Matteo realised how cold it was he turned right around and tried to go back inside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But David grabbed him and pulled him down the road to the deserted park. It was just them, a couple of other runners and a few dog walkers. But they basically had the place to themselves. They could run up and down freely, all around the park along the many intersecting footpaths without bumping into anyone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David looked around, it was properly spring now, the flowers blooming, birds singing. Last time he’d run through here the trees had still been pretty bare, the leaves just starting to grow. Now they were green again, branches heavy with foliage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s freezing David,” Matteo muttered, glaring at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have a hoodie on,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, how are you always so warm?” Matteo asked, pulling his hood over his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you always so cold?” David countered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because it’s cold,” Matteo said, stomping his feet and watching David doing his gentle stretches.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But uh… testosterone mostly, it keeps me hot and exercise makes you warmer, increases your metabolism, this run will probably keep you warm all day” David told him, then waited for the disbelief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo rolled his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this just like it supposedly makes you more awake?” he demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He started copying David with the stretches.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know why you’re so sceptical, I did sports LK we learnt all this,” David said, pulling him upright.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I did bio and we didn’t,” Matteo countered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I don’t know what to tell you,” David said, they could start bickering about it but he wanted to start running.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you allowed to do?” Matteo asked him, rubbing his arms to keep warm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David took pity on him and pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around him to warm him up. Matteo sighed and shivered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Intervals, I have to keep my breathing under control so let's walk fast for five minutes and run for two, and see how it is, we can either increase or keep it the same,” David suggested and they set off around the park.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you wear before?” Matteo asked, “to exercise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David glanced at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You couldn’t wear a binder right? Too dangerous? I always wondered but you know sometimes I don’t ask,” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David gave him a shove to get him to speed up and to let him know he was stupid for not asking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like a really tight sports bra, with this elastic strap thing over the top, you saw it in the laundry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo nodded slowly as he figured it out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then massive t-shirts, same as what I wore for football,” David told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was that safe?” Matteo asked carefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could breathe,” David said, “like I did my research don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool and now it’s better because you can wear your sexy tight t-shirts even though it's freezing,” Matteo muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he slowed down and glanced over at David in the new vest top he was wearing, looking him up and down appreciatively. David blushed but kept walking quickly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I checked before we left you know, it's five degrees, it’ll be ten within the hour,” he informed him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what else is five degrees? A fridge David,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you asked Dr Meyer about always being cold? Maybe you should see your GP?” David suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah maybe, I haven’t mentioned it but I was worried, because if I do have to go on antidepressants or something they make you cold,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you should just do a blood test to make sure,” David suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They started to run, or David did, just a gentle even pace. Matteo started once he realised what was going on but he kept up easily. It was either because David was out of shape, or more likely that as much as he whined about it he was a reasonably fit and healthy nineteen-year-old and he could run just fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo stumbled as he tried to figure out what he wanted to say, watch his feet, look at David, and run at the same time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Focus ahead of you, don’t focus on me or your feet,” David suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo had explained to him a while ago that he struggled to talk to him and walk at the same time. He liked to focus all his attention on David whenever he talked, which he loved but it wasn’t conducive to not falling flat on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok I don’t think I’m really cold, or I dunno…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can tell it’s cold, and it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he insisted, “but I’m not that cold… but I will be. I’ll get cold or… I won’t warm up, I just know I’m going to be cold today, that makes no sense?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really, but just because I’m the opposite of you,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And to be honest I just like wearing jumpers,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pressure thing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah maybe,” Matteo suggested, “but if it’s hot, properly hot, then I’m hot,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” David said, he glanced at Matteo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was struggling to keep up the conversation and run but Matteo seemed fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But David knew about Matteo and heat, remembered last year as soon as it started getting hotter, Matteo switching to t-shirts and short-sleeved shirts. David had been delighted. Loved his boyfriend in less clothes, usually only got him in any state of undress when they were in bed and David was close by as a source of heat. But Matteo loved the sun on him, he’d laid about like a cat the majority of their road trip, just soaking it in. When they first started dating David had thought Matteo was sleepy all the time, but it was more like he was always in low power mode, and could switch to full alertness whenever he wanted. Again like a cat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But David figured he should probably get checked in case he was anaemic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Breathing ok?” Matteo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” David lied, “are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah this is easy,” Matteo said with a grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going slowly,” David insisted, although he was struggling with even this gentle pace, “Let’s walk again and I’ll go faster next time,” he said, already dreading it but he couldn’t bear to lose face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” Matteo said, slowing down with him, “I’m surprised you’re being so restrained,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My chest feels a bit tight,” David admitted, he was struggling to catch his breath, he felt a little panicky and was glad Matteo was here with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo placed a hand on his heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok we’ll go the same pace next time but for a minute longer?” he suggested, “just keep breathing, you’re not in any danger, this isn’t your surgery, this is just that your fitness level is lower,” he said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” David said, he could feel his heart slowing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo was right, there was nothing wrong with his chest. This was just regular exercise fatigue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t it better to build up your stamina first? Then your speed?” Matteo suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, I didn’t realise you were a personal trainer,” David teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a tactic in video games,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David leant over and pressed a kiss to his cheek, now his heart was racing for entirely different reasons.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you,” he said softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you too,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They repeated their walk-runs six more times, Matteo keeping up and talking to him the entire time. The moment David stopped being able to speak he made them walk again, David wasn’t even surprised that he was managing this just fine. He had a physical job and he wasn’t lazy at all. He was fit and healthy, smoking aside and even that he’d cut back a lot. The main reason he didn’t like running was the coordination thing, the cold and the fear that David would make him actually run hard and fast. But that wouldn’t be for a long while so it was something he didn’t have to worry yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok let’s stretch,” David said, as they completed their third loop of the park, coming back to the gate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nooo,” Matteo whined.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he copied David’s gentle movements and stretched with him. All David could really do was stretch his legs, and do the most careful of twists. He made Matteo do more because he could and because he wanted to watch him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then they linked hands and headed to the shops.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok?” David said when they reached the mini-mart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll wait here,” Matteo said, leaning against the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok I’ll be five minutes,” David said, giving him a quick kiss and heading into the store.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They didn’t need much, he grabbed bread, milk, and cheese, some fruit, cookies. Matteo hadn't actually told him what they needed so he just picked up anything he fancied, and anything he knew Matteo would like. He grabbed them some pastries for a treat, and because he was starving after their run, then headed to the checkout. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they got back to the apartment Matteo took the food into the kitchen, David stood in the kitchen doorway and watched him put everything away in its place. When Matteo found the pastries he smiled and turned to David, shaking his head fondly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re sweet,” Matteo said, putting them down on the counter and walking over to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wrapped his arms around David and kissed him tenderly. David relaxed into him, pushing him back to the counter. He reached up and rubbed his thumb over Matteo’s jaw, and then ran his hand through Matteo’s hair, pulling him closer still. His lips parted and Matteo sighed, shuddering against him and pulling back slightly. He looked at David, blinking slowly and shaking his head to clear his thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh… breakfast?” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David had other ideas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope we need to shower first, we‘ve been exercising. I mean I know you love me all sweaty but I feel kinda gross,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok do you wanna go first?” Matteo said as they left the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you can,” David said sweetly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo turned to him and frowned suspiciously. He knew David was up to something.  David just smiled and let him past before following him into the bathroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“David,” Matteo warned, trying to push him back out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? I’m keeping you company,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re being annoying,” he mumbled, but he stopped pushing David away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me? How dare you?” David said, reaching out and helping Matteo out of his hoodie, then his t-shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can do that myself,” he muttered, but he grabbed the hem of David’s vest anyway and helped him pull it off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m all sweaty just how you like me,” David said, trying to stay sexy but failing to hide his fond grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh fuck off,” Matteo said, scowling and turning away to hide his blush. He marched over to the bath, turning the water on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>David just chuckled and shed his shorts and boxers, kicking them aside then stepping over to where Matteo was fiddling with the taps. He ran his fingers gently down his back, Matteo shuddered under him but didn’t pull away. He stood up slowly and turned to face him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David looked at him, the pink blush that was spreading across his pale chest and took a step toward him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“David,” Matteo whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel real good Matteo,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt amazing, strong. He felt so good in his body, and if he was careful he could handle this. Matteo would be careful, always was. And David wanted this, needed it. Right now he wanted Matteo more than anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo stared at him for a moment, searching his face for something. David just winked at him. He knew he was ready, knew Matteo knew him well enough to know that. Matteo just smiled and stepped closer, allowing David to pull him closer still by his waistband before gently pushing his joggers down over his hips while he leant in and kissed him softly, slowly. There was no rush, they could take their time, take it slow and delight in this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo just sighed into the kiss. David's lips parted and he breathed in the taste of Matteo. He felt his body heating up and groaned as Matteo ran his fingers down his back. Maybe they wouldn’t be able to take their time. God, he’d missed this, they both had. It was different for him and Matteo may tease him for how horny he’d been but David could feel how desperate Matteo was. He wanted this just as much as he did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David stepped back and climbed into the bath, he barely had to pull Matteo to get him to follow. He was pretty eager. They stepped under the spray of hot water and David sighed. He relaxed under the water and pulled Matteo so they were pressed against each other. This was probably a stupid idea, there wasn’t much room and the risk of them falling on their asses was pretty high. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” he said, getting Matteo’s attention. He slowly looked up at him, eyes slightly unfocused, cheeks pink from the heat of the water and David’s touch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eyes wide, he stepped back from David and reached out, slowly, gently running his fingers over his chest. He’d never done that, not while they were being intimate, his mouth fell open as David shivered from his touch. Matteo leant forward, pressing soft tender kisses along his collarbones and down over his chest. David groaned and stepped back gasping. They’d barely done anything yet and David was already getting pretty desperate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t hurt,” David murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” Matteo said, looking up at him through hooded eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His pupils were blown dark and he blinked slowly as he met David’s eyes. David reached out and brushed his wet hair out of his face so he could see him better. He looked beautiful like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn't hurt,” David repeated, “you don’t have to be so gentle with me,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah you’re so strong,” Matteo muttered, returning to kissing his chest, reaching up to run his fingers over his chest too, his touches firmer now, more sure. It felt good, Matteo’s touch hotter than the water. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>David groaned and leant back against the tiles, he reached out and wrapped his hand around the grab bars. They were temporary, Matteo had bought them online, to help David in and out of the bath while he was recovering. David had insisted he needed no such thing but they’d been pretty helpful on days when he’d been achy and in pain, it just made it easier. Let him be more independent and not lean on Matteo so much. Although he preferred that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now David was thinking maybe they’d come in useful even after he was fully recovered. They would definitely be keeping them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gripped tightly with one hand as Matteo sunk lower and he tangled the fingers of his other hand in his now drenched hair. It was dark under the water, sticking to his head. David smoothed it back and gripped tight. God he’d missed this, Matteo’s touch, the fires he lit up inside of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>David gasped as he gave in to it, his body shaking under Matteo’s sure fingers and gentle lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opened his eyes and looked down slowly at Matteo, knelt down in front of him, staring up at him with wide eyes, panting heavily as he tried to catch his breath. The water was still running down over both of them, filling the room with steam and softening the harsh light. David blinked the water from his eyes, he’d never felt so relaxed, the tension that had been building for months had eased but the fire still burnt under his skin. He wanted more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come up here,” David murmured, reaching out and rubbing his thumb over Matteo’s damp cheek, so pink against his pale face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so beautiful,” David whispered, causing his cheeks to darken further as he shakily got to his feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David leant in and kissed him, hard, tasting him, biting at his swollen lip as Matteo ran his fingers down his back. Harder now, less gentle, more urgent. </span>
</p><p><span>David sighed, keeping a tight grip on the grab handle with one hand, holding himself up easily, with no risk of slipping. This genius contraption was going to come in so useful.</span> <span>He wrapped his free hand around Matteo and his boyfriend shuddered and groaned, falling against him as David held him tight. </span></p><p>
  <span>He loved this, the control he had over him like this, the power. Loved how Matteo trusted him with something as intimate as this. He knew exactly how it felt because it was the same for him, Matteo had the exact same power over him, they were equal in every way. He took Matteo’s trust and he returned it in kind. He gave himself over to Matteo again and again. He’d never known trust, known love like this. It was everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo stumbled forward and leant his head on David’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Matteo I need you to take your own weight,” David whispered, his voice barely audible above the running water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok shit,” Matteo mumbled, planting his hands behind David to hold himself up, still leaning his head on David’s shoulder, kissing at the exposed skin he could reach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>While David stroked him, Matteo trailed kisses across his shoulder and along his jaw, nosing at the stubble there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Matteo,” David muttered, already getting wound up again, “shit,” he said as Matteo began to lick and bite at the skin under his ear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He groaned and threw back his head. He was done with slow, his boyfriend was naked and drenched in front of him. It was the most beautiful sight David had ever seen and he needed him now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“David?” Matteo whispered, voice shaking as he tried to keep calm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon Matteo I need you,” David begged, not even a little embarrassed about how desperate he sounded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo stepped back slightly, somehow keeping his balance enough to reach into the little cabinet above the sink and blindly grab what they needed. David heard their razors, toothbrushes and whatever else was in the cabinet clatter into the sink. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>David laughed, he couldn’t help himself, his cute clumsy boyfriend, so eager in front of him. Matteo grinned at him, eyes soft as his hands trailed back down his body, lower and lower until the laughter stopped as Matteo’s questing fingers reached exactly where he needed them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed and gripped Matteo’s wrist, keeping him in place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Matteo,” he whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” he asked, still grinning cheekily at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David wanted nothing more than to wipe that smirk off his face but he was too far gone, needed him too much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon,” he begged, he couldn’t wait any longer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hush David, I've got you,” Matteo said, grin slowly fading as he bit his lip in concentration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t in the mood to tease either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David gasped. Finally, months of waiting and they were together again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good?” Matteo whispered, moving slowly, taking his time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David had no idea where he got his control from, was already close to falling apart again. Matteo always went slower than he did, savoured it, was never one to rush. And it was always amazing, the ebb and flow of pleasure building within him. Right now after so long it was exactly what he needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Try as he might, David was always more hard and fast. Once he got going that was it, with Matteo gasping under him, the soft sounds he could pull from him, the way he could make his quiet boy so loud. How the hell was he supposed to keep it slow? How the hell was he supposed to control himself around Matteo? These last two months had been a challenge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah shit,” he said, he still had a tight grip on the grab handle, “this is pretty useful,” he muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo glanced down and frowned slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not supposed to be bearing weight on your arms,” he said, shifting so that he had more of David's weight, somehow not falling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wasn’t, you’ve got most of it,” David countered, somehow still able to make jokes despite himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo leant up, planting his feet for balance and hooked David’s legs around his waist before leaning his hands back on the tiles. And fuck if that didn’t bring David a thousand times closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit,” David muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So good,” Matteo breathed, trailing kisses down his jaw, “I love you,” he whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo pushed closer against him, there wasn’t an inch of space between them. He’d never felt Matteo against him like this. It was so good, it was perfect, skin against skin. He could feel his heartbeat thundering against his own. Beating out a rhythm that was theirs alone, there was nothing else in the world right now. No one but them in this moment. The apartment could fall down around them and he wouldn’t blink, wouldn’t look away from Matteo as they moved together. He could see his own wonder reflected back at him in Matteo’s dark eyes. This was everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too,” David gasped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The world around him brightened to a brilliant white, as Matteo lit him up from the inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few minutes, he came back to himself, still panting heavily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo groaned and David held him tight as he shook, stroking his hair, pressing gentle kisses to his temple. Holding him the way he liked, the way he needed. Eventually, Matteo pulled back slightly, breathing heavily, staring at him with wide eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good?” David asked softly, slowly climbing off Matteo and lowering his feet to the floor of the bath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So good,” Matteo whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stretched slowly, every muscle in his body still tingling. He felt amazing. He smiled softly at Matteo and pulled him back under the spray, letting the water run over both of them. After he figured they were clean enough for a day hiding away in the apartment he shut off the water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo stepped back, shaking his head to get the water out of his eyes. Then he just laid down right there in the bath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” David said, staring at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” he said, looking up at him and shrugging.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David grinned and sat down on his stomach. It was boiling in the bathroom, hot and steamy where they’d had the water on too long. Matteo would be cold before he was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tired out?” David asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean we did run like thirty miles before you lured me into the shower for sex,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David rolled his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We ran maybe two at most, with the walking it was probably around three and a half,” he clarified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a lot,” Matteo mumbled, closing his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah it is, you did well,” Matteo insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David smiled. He did do well, they’d gone so early because he’d been worried he wouldn’t be able to run at all. But he had, and it hadn’t been impossible or exhausting. He felt good, he’d gotten his heart rate up, showed off to Matteo, and had fun. But it was nothing compared to what they’d just done. The best kind of exercise in David’s opinion. Although he hadn’t done much work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re still fit,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” David agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo opened his eyes and smirked at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see I have to do all the work now when we have sex,” he teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David flicked his ears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haha,” he muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I missed this though,” Matteo said softly, propping himself up on his elbows so David could reach him to kiss him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shower sex?” David asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just sex,” Matteo clarified with a shrug, blushing hard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David smiled at him, his own cheeks warming. When did he become such a sap?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Really?" he asked gently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It hadn't come up yet, with David recovering it hadn't been an issue. Shower sex had not been on his agenda for the morning. But they probably should talk about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo frowned and looked up at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah," he said, confused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was still a little out of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Just making sure," David said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why?" Matteo asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Just…" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn't worried about upsetting Matteo, he was pretty sure they were still on the same page. He just didn't quite know how to voice these thoughts. It wasn't so much a question he had, just wanted a reaffirmation. Matteo knew his own mind and wants but tended to go along with others because it was easier. Because he was used to it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he still wanted that it was fine but David needed to know. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I’m still ok with sex," Matteo said, "just because I'm autistic doesn't mean I don't want sex," he said, frowning and laying back, looking up at the ceiling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>David shifted so that he could lean back against Matteo’s bent legs. He wondered if the bathtub was going to become their place for deep conversations. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That wasn't what he meant though. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That wasn't it," David said, "I didn't even think of that actually, should I have?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No? Because nothing's really changed there,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Exactly Matteo being autistic changed nothing between them. This was about Lea and the stuff he’d been learning about himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah? Still just as hot for me?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh fuck off," Matteo said, "you know it," he added quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>David winked and pulled him up by his hair, kissing him hard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I do know it," he agreed. "No, what I was thinking was more about what you're doing with Lea. You know more being assertive, less going with the flow. I just wanted to check in basically, I know you know what you want… I just had to make sure," David said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was a pretty poor explanation but he knew Matteo would get what he meant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah ok," Matteo said, "I have been thinking about it too,” he said, “like nothing has changed but there is something there. Not a problem or anything. Just a thing.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>David relaxed, they were always on the same page. And Matteo wanted to explain stuff to him, David loved nothing more than to learn his thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he was getting cold too, he was sure Matteo was leaching all his heat laying underneath him like he was. He carefully got out of the bath, Matteo helping him, supporting him before he followed him up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He handed Matteo a towel and wrapped his own around his waist. The only clothes they had in there was their sweaty running gear. Not that it mattered, it was just them. They could walk around however they pleased, no nosy roommates or annoying siblings to stop them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So they headed to the main room and got dressed. Matteo in joggers and a sweater, David in shorts and a t-shirt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Matteo headed to the kitchen. David followed, towelling off his hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Breakfast?" he asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You want like a protein shake or something?" Matteo asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He dropped his voice lower when he said protein shake just to mock him, so David shoved him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I’m starving," David whined. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah me too," Matteo said, "sandwiches?" he suggested. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That sounded amazing right now. He could easily eat an entire loaf of bread.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"God yes," David said, watching Matteo put together a cheese sandwich for him and ham for himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David turned and started to make coffee. Matteo stopped making the sandwiches and watched him, raising an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can make coffee you ass!” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo just smirked and finished up the sandwiches. David poured the coffee and they moved into the living room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Table or sofa?” Matteo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David looked around, the table was covered by their laptops and books. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He would tidy up later, there was no reason for it to be this messy. Just because he was decorating didn’t mean he needed to leave his stuff everywhere. He nodded to the sofa and Matteo followed him over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think… maybe… I always thought I was weird, you know?” Matteo said, sitting down and handing him a plate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David nodded and swapped it for a coffee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About sex?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah like… I can remember the boys always talking about sex like they were obsessed,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It sounded like pretty standard teenage behaviour. David could remember guys at his old school being pretty much the same. Not that he ever went near them but he overheard stuff it was unavoidable. He didn’t know how he would have been if they’d let him join in. He liked to think he was better than that but he probably wasn’t. He enjoyed talking shit with Abdi and Carlos.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you weren’t?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not exactly. At first, I thought maybe I was just a bit slow, like immature? Then I thought it was because I’m gay and like they were only talking about girls and I didn’t care about that,” Matteo explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>David watched him carefully, shifting so he was facing him on the sofa. Matteo mirrored his movements.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But?” he prompted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I tried thinking about boys it was…” he trailed off looking down at his plate ears going pink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t embarrassed or uncomfortable, just shy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The same?” David said gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Matteo said, closed his eyes while he thought about how to explain it. “Not exactly the same but… I don’t know… like Jonas, Abdi, and Carlos would talk about all the girls they wanted to have sex with. Hans would talk about all these guys and like ok so I wasn’t out but I should’ve been thinking it right?” he asked him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To be honest, David didn’t know either, Matteo’s experiences seemed pretty different from his. He could remember surreptitiously looking at hot boys or girls at school and knowing definitively why he found them attractive. And sometimes that attraction was sexual. He never did anything about it but he knew what it was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, maybe you were trying to ignore it?” David suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I wasn’t. I know I like boys, I…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David smiled at him, encouraging him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted all the other stuff about a relationship just sex… was a lot and I wasn’t sure if it was something I would want,” Matteo admitted, looking at him worriedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David put his plate aside and reached out his hands. Matteo took them and gave him a small smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What's the other stuff you wanted? Relationship stuff?” David asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like someone to talk to, to be with, to pay attention to me, to love, all that stuff. Pretty lame right?” Matteo joked, trying to take the heat off himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David ignored the joke, his boyfriend was not lame, he was the sweetest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cute,” he said, “what about Jonas?” he asked, remembering Matteo’s stumbling confession one night months ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d told David he’d had a crush on his best friend, a total cliche, and David had just sympathised because it was hard, trying to understand feelings when everything felt heavy and confusing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was fine, him and Hanna had sex all the time,” Matteo said, missing the point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I mean you had a crush on him right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno, yeah I think so but that was definitely an attention thing, that was all those things I just said, and with Jonas, I already had those things to a point nothing like this but… I just wanted that, sex never really came into it, sorry,” Matteo mumbled, “I really do think I just wanted him all to myself,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He still felt guilty even though there was no need. David begrudged him nothing, mostly because it had all gone down before they even met but also because he got it. How he felt made sense, Matteo got lonely so easily and Jonas was his very best friend. He started dating Leonie, then Hanna right around the time Matteo’s family was falling apart and he was finally having to deal with his sexuality. It made sense that he would latch onto the one constant. And the way Matteo was around people, taking so long to trust them and let them in, of course, it was easy to fall for Jonas. If he’d been straight he probably would have fallen for Hanna for the exact same reason. Those two were definitely well suited. They were probably the kindest people David had ever met, and Matteo needed kindness in his life more than anything.  Plus Jonass was so tactile and cuddly Matteo had no chance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it was interesting that the crush on Jonas came without sexual attraction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be sorry, ok so what changed?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh kinda just started when I met you a bit, not straight away but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you saw me and you were like damn I want him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Matteo said, blushing and shoving him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David grinned and climbed on top of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So rude,” he teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No David I just said... and I’ve told you this before. I just wanted to get to know you, like yeah I thought you were hot obviously, you’re beautiful. Look I struggle with what other people say is hot, like Hans when he shows me pictures of guys? I just don’t get it, like faces or topless bodies? Who cares, but for me, it’s more like, oh that guy looks kind, or that guy looks like he would give good hugs, I know it’s weird,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David shook his head, it wasn’t weird or strange, just different. He gestured for Matteo to continue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’m not blind, I saw you and it was just like damn. And I just couldn’t stop looking at you, I stared at you all the time. But it wasn’t a sex thing. I wanted to know everything about you because there had to be something about you, for me to feel so comfortable with you. But what are </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>saying? You wanted to have sex with me the first time you saw me?” Matteo asked incredulously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that was the difference between the two of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No… not the </span>
  <em>
    <span>first</span>
  </em>
  <span> time,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo was going to be red all day at this rate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the second time? Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like no? A bit. You were so cute Matteo I just… like obviously I wouldn’t have but in the right situation, I don’t know,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was true too like right away he’d known he’d wanted him. His cheeky grin was captivating. The way his face fell when David dismissed his wish made him burn with the need to fix it. And when he did when he coaxed that smile back he knew he needed Matteo in his arms. When Sara had kissed him he’d never felt jealousy like that. And he got jealous a lot but she had something he wanted and it annoyed him. He’d never wanted a person before, not on that level. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Poor Sara just trying her best at the relationship. Thankfully David had let go of his petty jealousy enough to keep up their friendship. And Matteo and Sara were friends again now, which was all he’d wanted in the first place, just hadn’t been able to voice those wants back then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo just laughed, face bright red, ducking his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good to know,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you just changed your mind?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No it doesn’t work like that, but something changed or developed. I don’t even know how to explain it, this is one of those feeling things, like I just know you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” David agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo knew his own feelings and David trusted them. He did like it when Matteo explained them though, it was hard and he didn’t always get it but he always wanted to know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, can you try?” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I knew I liked you straight away and I tried to... imagine stuff,” he said slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Matteo! You are so fucking red right now,” David teased, lifting his head up and kissing him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well this is a fucking awkward conversation,” Matteo muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it?” David asked, not wanting to push him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He never wanted Matteo to be uncomfortable. There was nothing wrong with what he’d done. David had done the same except he hadn’t had to try like Matteo was describing, for him it was there at the front of his mind constantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. A little,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have to,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I want to explain it's kinda interesting. I'd like you to get it,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” David said, running his hands over Matteo’s shoulders, assuring him he would wait for any explanation he could give.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I knew I liked you but… that was it,” Matteo said, “try as I might, I couldn’t imagine doing anything more, couldn’t make myself want to,” he said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t want to have sex with </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” David teased, knowing Matteo could take it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No but… I probably would have if you’d asked,” Matteo said with a shrug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That stopped David’s laughter dead. He stared at Matteo for a moment. Suddenly he felt nervous and an uncomfortable feeling settled heavy in his stomach. He felt cold and unwell. Scared. He gripped his shoulders tight, trying to stay calm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That's not ok, you know that right?” he asked, voice shaking slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’ve never?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No I’ve never done anything I haven't wanted to, I get shy and awkward but I love being with you,” Matteo insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David stared at him longer, making sure. He knew Matteo wouldn’t lie to him but he had to make sure. He was smiling openly, totally comfortable sitting underneath him. He was telling the truth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok so remember after the pool and we were back at mine and we were literally making out and rolling around all over the bed and wrestling?” Matteo asked him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That made you horny?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Matteo said, pulling a face, “or maybe a bit but I didn’t want anything more. I’d never kissed anyone and enjoyed it, so I thought maybe these things needed to build, like I thought it was something that would come later,” he explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That makes sense,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it felt really good and safe and you kept cuddling me and I loved that obviously, and I just… I’d never felt so calm around someone, like I know we didn’t even talk about it but I just felt... I didn’t feel nervous at all, it felt like there wasn’t any pressure with you because you just seemed to get me, it felt like we were finally going at my pace,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David kissed him again. He loved him so much he ached with it. They had been going at Matteo’s pace and it was only a beat slower than David’s because David had been nowhere near ready either. And it was apparent that it was for different reasons because boy had he wanted to speed things up. But he couldn't. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he’d never been afraid of that. He’d stayed over at Matteo’s that night, stayed over with a boy because he could just tell that wasn’t where Matteo was at, that there was no pressure and he could just be with him however he felt comfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But something changed?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… ok you sent those messages and I was really upset and I thought you weren’t into me anymore, and I remember thinking that's it you’ve blown your one chance,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One chance?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like even then I knew this,” he gestured between them, “this was special, that I wouldn’t find it again,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah I felt the same, I would have never come out to you otherwise,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah and that’s it too,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David frowned, lost now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok so I thought I’d lost you and then you came back and that night we just lay together and you kept shuffling and shifting like seriously that night you were more fidgety than me-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was sleeping in my binder and I was fucking terrified,” David countered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still I mean I do give pretty good cuddles, you could have tried to keep still,” Matteo argued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever,” David said, he wasn’t going to get into an argument, they’d only get distracted, and David wanted to finish this conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I lay there with you and I still wasn’t sure about sex, and actually when you rang the buzzer and I let you up I had to kick the boys out and Abdi made a joke that I was kicking them out to have sex with you and I remember wondering if that was why you were there. I didn’t think so but I remember feeling a bit scared and thinking not yet. Not yet but maybe soon. But that was another time where I had that same thought. That if </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> wanted to I thought maybe I could,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David frowned at him but didn't say anything. That didn’t make him feel any better. When they’d first started dating he’d worried about putting pressure on him. But they always talked a lot and he trusted Matteo to say how he felt. With him, he could be honest about this stuff and he was. He told David he was nervous, told him what he felt comfortable doing, what scared him. And it allowed David to be honest too. Yeah, they didn’t always get it right but he knew that Matteo wouldn’t do something he wasn’t comfortable with because he knew he could trust him. He waited for Matteo to explain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really don’t think I would have ever done anything I didn’t want to, what I mean when I say that is I would maybe let you start something to see how far I would go but I would have probably stopped you when I felt uncomfortable because I knew with you I could,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Promise?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. And I would have only let you start something because I trusted you, I knew you would stop,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Always but that's not enough,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok but I haven’t quite finished. So then you came out to me and that’s when stuff started to change for me,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not because you’re trans but just because you came out to me, you trusted me. Ok yeah, I didn’t say anything but right away I got the implication. I know I didn’t get it right away but I got how heavy a thing this was for you and how much you must have trusted me to tell me, and that was it for me really. You said you liked me and I told you how that made me feel. But you told me that and that’s why you trusted me and that's when it started,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I came out to you and you wanted to have sex with me?” David said, vastly oversimplifying it, knowing it would annoy Matteo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grinned when Matteo glared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No David,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know I’m teasing you,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I did start thinking yeah it would be nice to do that with you but so much was going on, and right then I just wanted you back in my arms but all that shit happened and I was slow and then when I did have you? Then I finally had time to think about it,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Matteo that was literally the day before we had sex,” David said, trying not to sound annoyed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah and?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s too quick,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No it’s not because I know myself I knew I was ready,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was fair, he had to trust Matteo on this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, but how did you know? What changed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You told me you loved me,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That didn’t seem like enough. One ‘I love you’ didn’t seem like he should have gone from not wanting to have sex to wanting it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That wasn’t even nearly all of it,” Matteo clarified, “but it was the start. You told me you loved me and I’ve told you how that makes me feel,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me again,” David said softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It just makes me feel warm and light all over, but it also makes me ache with like need, I’d never felt that before, that heat under my skin like fire, do you get that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh boy, did he get that, that’s how he felt all the time around Matteo. He had it under control most of the time. After all, he’d managed to go without sex for two months. Although he probably couldn’t if he didn’t have a good reason. Matteo not wanting to have sex would be another good reason though, hence why he’d brought it up in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” David said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knelt over Matteo, taking his chin in his hand and tilting his head back. He kissed him gently, his eyes fluttering closed at the soft press of his lips. He pulled back and ran his fingers through his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo blinked up at him. Shit now he’d distracted him. David tapped him on the nose. Matteo huffed but tried to get back on track.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And the only thing I could think to calm it was to touch you, because you were the cause and I needed it, to touch you, feel you,” Matteo said, “not to make it stop but I just needed it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David blushed a little and reached out, running his fingers over Matteo’s chest, down and under his hoodie, pressing his hands against his skin. Matteo shuddered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah like that,” Matteo said, “so that was something, it was this feeling and I wanted to touch you and I wanted you to touch me and I wanted it everywhere and I’d never felt like that, never wanted that before. I… I don’t think it's the same as how you and the boys feel, maybe not as intense, or it’s intense to me but it’s kinda slow, like how I am with everything. I think it is different but I want it, I do, it’s real,” he insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course it is,” David agreed, pressing another kiss to his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But… then we talked about it at the pool, what you wanted, what I wanted. We talked about all of it and I just knew it would be ok because you were nervous too so it was fine, and also because for the first time I actually felt comfortable talking about it, I know I was probably still all shy but that dread was gone,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David couldn’t help it, he beamed at him, he loved it when he got to understand a part of Matteo like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” he asked softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah because I knew we were on the same page, I was nervous but… it would be ok with you, everything was always ok with you, it’s always ok with you,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And it was?” David checked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was so good, it’s perfect. I knew it was exactly how it was supposed to be, and I didn’t need to worry anymore,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So we’re good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, everything is perfect between us. I know maybe it seems that I’m not as into as you, but I am, always. Like it’s only you, but I always want you,” Matteo explained, “for me how it feels, and watching you and even listening to the boys, there is a difference. I don’t know it’s dumb…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But David wanted to hear his thoughts, always.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me anyway,” he said gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So for you, it seems like a fire burning hot in you,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That's a pretty good description of me around you all the time,” David agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo just smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And so you need to keep it under control,” he continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“By having sex?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean you wouldn’t die if you didn’t but you definitely get grumpy,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And wasn’t that the truth? But in fairness these past months Matteo had just been parading around and he couldn't do anything about it so yeah he’d been a </span>
  <em>
    <span>little </span>
  </em>
  <span>irritable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not heat, it’s not fire, it’s not as much of a need. But it’s like this warmth that’s constantly there since I met you. And it always builds slowly when we kiss, when you say certain things, when you look at me a certain way and it’s only you and it feels like it will only ever be you,” Matteo said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so damn beautiful Matteo,” David whispered, “I love you so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for thinking of me, but we’re good, I promise. And like I know I’m a bit shy about talking about it, I think that's just who I am but I’ll always talk to you about it, and… if stuff does change for me…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You tell me ok? Because nothing ever changes between us, I love you no matter what,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo just smiled up at him softly, happy and content. Safe with him. Knowing he was the one that made Matteo feel like this was a wonderful feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David was quiet for a moment as he thought through what Matteo had just said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Teo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever thought… that maybe…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David was curious now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever thought maybe you were demisexual?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo frowned and shrugged. That meant he probably had at some point, likely when there was too much going on to come back to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know what it means?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo shrugged again and that meant he did but didn’t want to say in case he’d gotten it wrong. But the look on his face showed he was thinking about it, he nodded slowly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, maybe, yeah I’ve read it,” he mumbled, waiting for David to remind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David knew he always researched these things but would he have known what to research in this case? But he was thorough so there must’ve been things he recognised there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, so you know about asexuality?” David asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo nodded more surely this time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I do! Because I did think that for a while, that maybe that was it. But there was such a lot you know, figuring out I was gay, because like even though I didn’t want to have sex with them I knew I did like boys you know? And then I met you and like nothing changed at first so I do remember thinking well maybe that’s it then. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I do remember thinking, I’m probably gonna have to talk to David about this. But then it changed, like shifted and it was fast but slow at the same time. Like it kind of all changed the night at the pool, but when I look back it was there all along, the way your smile makes me tingle all over, the way I want nothing more than to hear you laugh all the time, and I just need to be near you all the time, touching you always, that’s all part of it for me,” Matteo explained, “so then I guess I thought, that can’t be it then,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David ran his fingers down his face gently, running them over his ears and curling them at the back of his neck. Matteo shuddered. He was so tactile, touch was so important to him. David loved it. Loved the way he described it. Love the way it made him feel, that he could make his boyfriend feel so good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah ok so I think demisexuality is when you don’t feel sexually attracted to someone unless you have an emotional connection, so you could date someone and never want to have sex with them, or you could meet someone and connect and that’s it but I think probably you have to build that connection, like how you described,” David tried to explain, knowing Matteo would look all this up and get proper definitions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah because I didn’t start having those feelings until I realised how much you trusted me, but I didn’t definitely want it until I knew you loved me, that wasn’t why but it was like knowing how you loved me back like I loved you it just… yeah, it makes sense,” Matteo murmured, trailing off as he lost himself in his own thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just an idea,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Matteo breathed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David watched him get out his phone and knew it was research time. He watched him, eyes scanning the screen trying to take in all the info he could. He watched him for a moment, the way he hunched over the screen, biting his bottom lip in concentration. He was nodding as he read. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>David loved that, that moment of realisation, that </span>
  <em>
    <span>ah that’s why that is</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He smiled at him then stood up. Matteo didn’t notice, too focussed on his phone so he grabbed the plates and cups and took them into the kitchen. He filled the sink and began to wash up the breakfast things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was drying the plates by the time Matteo came into the kitchen and draped himself over David’s back, hooking his chin over his shoulder. He moved with David as he tried to put away their breakfast things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Matteo,” David said, turning and kissing him on the lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi David,” Matteo said, taking the plates from his hand and reaching over him into the cupboard so he didn’t have to stretch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He somehow managed it without pulling away from David even a millimetre.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything good?” David asked, not wanting to push but wanting to know what Matteo had read and knowing what he was like about dragging things out sometimes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. David?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Matteo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’m demisexual… no I know, it fits me,” Matteo said confidently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah? That’s cool,” David said, turning in his arms to face him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He leant forward and pressed their foreheads together, placing his hands on Matteo’s hips and pulling him closer still.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah and that means you're my person,” Matteo continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I?” David whispered, feeling warm all over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah because we have a super emotional connection, and like I’m so sure it will only ever be you, you’re the man for me. It’s more proof that we’re soulmates I guess,” he said softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I fucking love you,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt like he was going to burst. He sighed and leant against Matteo heavily, he had to get as close to him as possible or it felt like he would die.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you too, thank you for washing up,” he said softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stood there together for a while, just holding each other, quietly enjoying the other’s presence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, Matteo pulled away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Er… can I… I feel better now, than earlier,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good, ready to face those forms?” David asked him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah er… I’ve had a quick look. I wanna try and fill them out and then when Laura comes over, could I ask her to have a look? Like you can look too it’s just…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’d love to help you,” David said, “ok so you do the forms, and I’m gonna sort out my paints, tidy them up, mix up some colours and stuff,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gotta get ready for the special light,” Matteo teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David just kicked at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Funny,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t miss it! The mural will be ruined!” Matteo continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David rolled his eyes and pushed Matteo out of the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t tease me,” he muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or what?” Matteo challenged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Usually, the answer would be to wrestle him down and pin him to the floor until he gave in. Right now he wasn’t wrestling anyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll tickle you,” David threatened, knowing that Matteo wouldn't fight back for fear of hurting him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watched Matteo stare him down for a moment, calmly looking back at him. After a moment Matteo shrugged and wandered over to the sofa, grabbing his laptop from the table as he went.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David picked up one of the cardboard boxes and went over to the wall where all his paints and supplies were scattered about. He carefully sat down on the floor and began to sort them, keeping aside the stuff he wanted to use today. He looked up at the wall every now and then as he decided which parts he wanted to do next. Carefully selecting the colours as he went. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d made pretty good progress thanks to Sam and Matteo’s help. It was taking time but it was nearly done. He reckoned by the end of the weekend he would be done with it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo wouldn’t help at first, said he’d muck it up, but David had reminded him that it wasn't permanent that they could repaint. Then Sam had told him to stop being a baby and get up the ladder. It had been a lot of fun that day. Of course, all three of them had ended up covered in paint. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo and Sam had done the sky and outlined the birds like David had directed them to. Now the trees were done, the sky was light blue and ready for summer. All that was needed was the birds to be finished, and some work on the bottom of the clearing, the grasses and flowers which David was going to paint today. He started to make some stencils for the flowers but he kept getting distracted by his phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were a lot of people wanting to talk to him today. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laura messaged him saying she was five minutes away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then there was his mum, just saying hello, like she did most days. He usually replied. They’d even had a few phone calls. Nothing particularly deep, but he didn’t dread hearing from her anymore. He replied letting her know he was ok, that he was having a chill Saturday with Matteo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ok.cool chat was blowing up, the other day Jonas and Matteo had snuck into Abdi and Carlos’ dance class and filmed them. Then put different music over the top so they looked terrible and shared around. Carlos was still annoyed and texting them furiously about it. Kept telling David to make sure he punished Matteo and made sure he was better behaved from now on. David found the whole thing pretty funny. He’d been the one who told Matteo to switch the music.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam was messaging him about her latest project, apparently, he owed her a fashion shoot. He wasn’t sure about that. But it sounded fun. They texted a lot, mostly about art and fashion but they also about inconsequential things, complaining about workloads and deadlines, rude people they’d encountered, cute dogs they’d seen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leonie and Sara were whining a lot about their respective hangovers. David just replied that they should take a leaf out of his and Matteo’s book. Although the only reason he wasn’t drinking was because of his surgery. And Matteo had only had one beer in solidarity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tay was spamming the group chat about the upcoming trivia war, which David was actually looking forward to. He had a better chance of doing well at trivia than baking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh,” Matteo groaned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David glanced over at him, he was scowling at his laptop in frustration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What's up?” David asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing,” Matteo muttered and continued to type.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David left him to it and went to the door, he opened it just as Laura was reaching the top of the stairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Boo,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grinned and pulled him into a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I’ve missed you,” she said as she pulled back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I saw you like three days ago,” David said, “I thought you were glad to get your apartment back, get me out of your hair,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So did I, but I guess you weren’t as annoying as I thought you were,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Funny,” he said, leading her into the apartment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stopped dead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dear God, what happened? I knew it, I knew without me you’d live like slobs,” she said, casting an eye around the place, taking in the mess with a frown.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I moved stuff around to paint and I dunno things got messy,” David said, not caring much for her judgement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Matteo,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” he replied, not looking up from the laptop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>David shrugged at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok this won’t do,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No no you are not coming over here and tidying up, do you have any idea how embarrassing that is?” David demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was his place if he wanted it messy then so be it. Not that he wanted it messy but that wasn’t the point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m not tidying up. Make your bed so we can sit,” she said calmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David scowled, she was not going to use that tone like she was his teacher or worse his mum.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can just move Matteo,” he suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Make your bed brother dearest,” she said sweetly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David glared at her but for some reason found himself doing as she said. Not without some muttering though. But he cleared the bed and arranged the cushions and pillows so they could sit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hanna and Sam had made the cushion covers as promised, Hanna so sweet as she apologised that it had come out a little wonky. But David loved them, the colourful swirling patterns they’d used going well with the rest of their mismatched decor. They’d find their style one day, but right now it was very much stuff they’d seen and stuff they liked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he sat down he went round the room grabbing all the laundry scattered about and bundled it into the laundry bag. Then he picked up all his papers and notes, sorting them and placing them in neat piles on the table with his books. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He went into the bathroom and grabbed the jogging stuff before Laura went in there and judged him. He added it to the laundry. They would need to do a wash soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, he grabbed the blankets they’d used yesterday for their impromptu yoga session and took them over to the sofa. He draped one across the back and the over he used to cover Matteo’s feet so he didn’t get cold. Matteo didn’t really notice, too focussed on his laptop but David ran his fingers through his hair as he passed anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He approached the bed and looked around realising he’d pretty much tidied the whole apartment. It was a small space so any amount of mess made it seem like a tip, but it also meant it was easy enough to tidy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laura smirked at him as he sat down. He chose to ignore her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” he said instead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, you seem chirpier now,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You mean more so than this morning when you woke me up at four-thirty?” he asked her, leaning back against the pillows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had enough that it made the bed seem like a sofa. It did mean they ended up on the floor every night but it was worth it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was stressed, you’re still the person I’m gonna turn to with shit like this, just because you’ve moved away that doesn’t change,” Laura said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David smiled and shuffled closer, pulling her against him. She leant her head on his shoulder. She’d been dwelling on this for some time now, this was important to her and he’d always be there for her. Even at four-thirty in the morning. Except there wasn’t really a problem. At the housewarming party a month ago she’d kissed Linn. Both of them had been sober, both of them had gone back to their own apartments. Since then they’d been messaging back and forth. A lot. But Linn didn’t seem keen on doing much more. And Laura may have been reading into that too much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will always be that person for me too,” David told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even now you're all domestic with Matteo?” she teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Always Laura,” he insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She would always be the person he turned to. Yeah, he had Matteo now and so many more people besides, but Laura had been there from the start. He would always need her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok so let’s talk Linn,” he suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, so I don’t know what to do right? We are texting and texting. Seriously it’s all the time, every morning she’ll check-in or I’ll check-in and then we’ll just spend the whole day chatting. But I haven’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>seen</span>
  </em>
  <span> her since the party and I want to but I don’t know what to do,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what’s wrong with you? Ask her out,” David suggested, it seemed obvious to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laura was usually confident with this stuff, would let people know exactly what she wanted from them, no games or dancing around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No I have and she always like… makes up excuses and I’d think she wasn’t interested but she messages me such a lot, and we talk about so much, I feel like I know her better than anyone already. I really don’t think she’s blowing me off,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As much as he loved that Laura had come to him, he was starting to think maybe he wasn’t the right person for this. He didn’t really know that much about this stuff. Just because he’d got it right with Matteo didn’t mean he knew what to do here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe she just wants to be friends then,” he suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe but… like why can’t we hang out, even if it’s just as friends?” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well call her out, ask her why she doesn’t want to see you,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you really think so, I just don’t think I should be heavy-handed about this. I’m not you,” she said quietly, pulling out her phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How dare she?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey! Don’t be rude, you're asking for my help. Just be like ‘hey I’m loving all this chatting but could we maybe actually hang out in person’,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn why is it so hard to read a person through text?” Laura sighed as she began to type.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly that's why you gotta see her, so just stop dancing around and ask,” David insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked up and grinned at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t… don’t ask her like that,” Matteo said quietly from the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both looked over at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Linn isn’t dancing around anything, she’s building up trust. She thinks she’s not good with people and stuff, she’s really quiet, she almost never goes out, like socially, unless she’s with Hans because she trusts him. But she can’t exactly bring him along. Although he’d love that,” Matteo told them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laura scooted to the edge of the bed, all her attention focussed on him, which made him look away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you… do you know what’s going on?” Laura asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo nodded slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you wait?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… yeah, I think so,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not telling you anything about how she feels, that's not fair. But she’s been asking us what to do. Me, Hans and Mia. Hans is telling her to go for it, Mia is telling her to do what feels best,” Matteo explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about you?” David asked him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told her to wait,” Matteo admitted, “She wasn’t ready. She’s nervous but she really likes messaging you, isn’t that enough for now? Until she’s ready? I promise there are no hidden meanings in her messages, she doesn't do like word tricks and stuff, she’s always honest and she’ll tell you what she means but… she has trust issues. You’re new, she knows you’re kind, I told her so, otherwise, she wouldn’t even be messaging, can you be patient?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laura smiled at him, David did too. She’d come to the right place, he may not have been able to give her the right advice but his boyfriend, who was the sweetest person in the world could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can,” Laura said softly, “so what we’re saying here is David is useless at romantic advice?” she teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh fuck off!” David muttered, “who here is in a committed relationship?” he demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is David even a bit romantic with you Matteo?” she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes always,” Matteo said, serious and wide-eyed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laura shook her head at his sweetness. If David had said that she would be pretending to vomit right about now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Matteo,” she said sincerely, letting him get back to his work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned back to David.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dad called me the other day,” she told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t sound too wary so he had no idea what to expect there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh?” he asked carefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Asking if I knew how mum was,” she clarified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How dare he? Firstly he shouldn't be asking Laura that, secondly he shouldn’t have cheated on her if he cared so much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh really? Why does he care?” David muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don't even get me started, he wanted to ask you but he’s too scared,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David didn’t really know why he’d been so worried about Laura reconnecting with their dad. She may love him but she wouldn’t automatically take his side. She judged him as much as David did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah and he should be because I'll fucking chew him out. He has no right to ask about her. Look I love them both and I'm not getting in between anything but what he did was disgusting,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah I know and I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry er… Laura please can you help me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They looked over at Matteo, he was holding his laptop tightly, eyes scrunched closed as he tried to deal with whatever questions the university was asking him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong Matteo?” she asked gently, getting up off the bed and going over to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s these fucking forms, I just… I don’t know what they want Laura,” he whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David got up and walked over sitting on the sofa and taking Matteo’s feet in his lap. Matteo gave him a small smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok don’t worry, they can be so annoying, don’t get stressed,” she insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re asking how much money I want, I don’t want money because I have a job and I have support so… but if they know I have a job what if they can’t help me? And if I put I'm autistic, depressed and suffer really badly with anxiety and trauma, they might think I'm too much or that I'm lying or that I'm just stupid to even think I can go to uni let alone work with kids and what if they say no? Maybe I shouldn’t tell them, I mean what can they even do to help me? I did school without any help and I managed-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hush hush,” she soothed, kneeling down beside him, she took the laptop and read through the form, frowning at his answers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok as I suspected this is a very annoying form, you’ve tried really hard,” she said gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve done it all wrong haven't I?” he asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo groaned and rubbed his face hard. David didn’t try to stop him. Matteo had asked him not to stop him doing stuff like that until he was actually hurting himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit,” he whined.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been honest,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to lie,” Matteo said, looking pretty close to done with the entire thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No I'm not telling you too, this is one of those situations where the questions are worded in a way that is so ambiguous there's not really any good way of answering. Plus, we tend to tone down our difficulties, I can already tell from these answers you’re worried about your needs taking from someone else, you’re going to be great at the social work by the way,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat down properly, back against the couch. David ran his hands along Matteo’s legs trying to comfort him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“By the way, they are absolutely not allowed to discriminate against you for your disability or your mental illness, that goes against their own policy. There is no reason why you can't study and no reason why you can’t take the social care course. Ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo nodded. David remembered Laura sorting out all his applications for his high school transfer. She was so good at this, she’d helped him with his film school application too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I get why you’re struggling. The problem with this form is it’s heavily based on pre-existing learning plans and help you got in high school," she explained to both of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Exactly and I didn’t get any, but I did pass my abi so do I even need help?" Matteo asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes Matteo," David said gently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Maybe you will, maybe you won’t but it’s there and it’s for you, you should take what you need. We’ll fill this describing what would have helped you at abi," Laura said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nothing," Matteo muttered, clearly just wanting this to be over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Or?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe... when I resat my Spanish it was easier," Matteo told them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Because you were on your own?" David guessed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo had been so confident when he'd stepped out of that classroom. Bouncing with the knowledge he'd done well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah but also it was just me talking and explaining I think… sometimes it's easier for me to get my point across that way rather than trying to answer the written questions, I know that makes no sense," Matteo said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It makes perfect sense," David said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it did, when people took the time to listen to him they quickly realised how smart he was. And then when they did realise that's when they started paying attention and usually that increased his confidence, made him surer of his answers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Matteo mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah actually it does, I think both are hard for you but written tests can be more ambiguous. Here look,” she turned the laptop so they both could see and clicked a link that listed support available, “does any of that sound helpful?” she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David was impressed, the list was surprisingly long, so many options and broken down into helpful sections. Adjustments for lectures, human support, help at the library, and exam assistance. He would get some pretty good support.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo shrugged and looked away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's ok to get help, they want to help you. You know what? You would probably do fine by yourself. But this way you’ll do more than fine, this way you can excel. You’ve done </span>
  <em>
    <span>just fine</span>
  </em>
  <span> for such a long time, you’ve done really well in fact. So yeah look at how well you did by yourself. You are so smart and so capable and your emotional intelligence is unrivalled by anyone I've ever met, but I can see it took a lot from you,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked over at her, stunned but it was the truth. Matteo had practically lived with her half of last year, she knew him well now. Cared for him, wanted to encourage him. She had faith in him and wanted him to do his best.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded slowly, a smile spread across his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look when David's bitching about how he just can’t get a scene right or whatever, what do you do?” she asked him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” David exclaimed, not happy about how she was trivialising his own school work. And he didn't bitch, he complained reasonably.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Er... help him, just reassure him,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yeah Laura was rude but he always did help when he was stressing about school stuff or social stuff. Always knew what to say to calm him down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly, this isn’t that much different. We all need some support. And if me or David went to our professors to say we were struggling, they should do the same. They’re your educators Matteo, if you learn differently then they need to accommodate that,” she said, “will you look at the list please?” she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He did, biting his lip as he read. David watched him, watched the small frown appear on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what some of this stuff is,” he muttered, “and I don’t need a dictaphone, I have my phone and it wouldn’t help anyway,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not all of this is for you, you can pick and choose. But look they can give you lecture handouts in advance, you like to research right? I know you’re always reading up on stuff, if you have things in advance it won’t be as new to you and it won’t distract you. You can learn what it means beforehand,” she suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That got his attention, Matteo shifted and peered at the screen properly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” he said, interested now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And here, it says you can scope out the lecture theatre in advance. Find somewhere you’d be comfortable sitting, not too bright or too dark and other stuff you need to focus, then you can reserve that place,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s embarrassing though,” Matteo mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” David asked, “no one will care,” he insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” Matteo asked sceptically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really,” Laura said, “no one ever says anything in my classes that would just be shitty,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need deadlines extended but… I don’t know how to explain it, I need more than one, like a pre-deadline,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To keep you on track, like turn in what you’ve got so far?” David suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly and also just in case I've misunderstood what’s asked of me, I can be reassured before I do too much,” he explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very smart,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They can provide you a buddy,” David suggested, reading the list.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not five,” Matteo muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just an older student on your course who’s already done your modules. They can just help you with studying,” Laura explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want that I'm not good with people,” he mumbled, but David wasn’t convinced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if it was a group?” Laura suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That would be worse,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about someone older?” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo looked at him, curious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Older?” Laura asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like you or Hans?” David clarified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok you fuck off,” she said to David, “but Matteo do you mean someone who isn’t quite your peer?” she asked Matteo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I'd feel better about that or… can’t I just have Amira?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll put that in ‘can you have an Amira?’” David joked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How does working with Amira help you?” Laura asked curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dunno just does, she knows what will keep me interested, how to spin it so I stay focussed,” Matteo told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you’re starting together, you’re going to be studying together but I think apply for a buddy anyway you don’t have to keep it up,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you can probably get a post-grad, especially with social work because it’s good experience for them,” Laura told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok but I don't want any of this money,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to take it, but if you’re registered and you do fall on hard times it will be easier to claim it later,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok. But why would I fall on hard times? David can just be my sugar daddy,” he joked, grinning to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David couldn't breathe, he almost fell off the sofa he was laughing so hard. He slapped his palm on Matteo’s leg and tried to catch his breath. Laura was in tears, she wiped her eyes as she tried to calm down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re almost the same age dumbass,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo just shrugged, smiling because he’d amused them. He loved to make people laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit Matteo don’t kill me like that,” Laura said, trying to catch her breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” he shrugged, eyes sparkling with mirth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you happy with what I've put?” Laura asked him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took the laptop from her and read through whatever she’d written in the boxes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, you need to attach the letter from your doctor and your therapist and that’s it you can send it, it’s adaptable if your circumstances change you can change your requests,” she assured him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Laura,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled as he focussed on the screen and read through it all again before finishing it up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sugar daddy,” Laura muttered, still laughing to herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David rolled his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talking of… mum and dad?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” she looked up at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think you’ll speak to mum again?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His mum had asked him to ask her. He’d told her he wasn’t going to get involved but he wanted to know too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was a bitch to me too you know?” she reminded him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” David agreed</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She actually hated me more than you,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This wasn’t true, David knew that. His mum didn’t hate either of them and she always said she loved Laura. When she said she loved them she meant both of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah because…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because at least she had a reason to hate me?” David suggested, knowing where she was going with this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d never voice that though but he knew her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she admitted, “like it wasn’t a valid reason but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok but I see what you mean. But… she didn’t hate you, she just, she’s intimidated by you. Nothing, none of whatever her reasoning is justifies her behaviour. I am never going to be her best friend but I don’t hate her and I forgive her for me, not for her. Because holding onto the anger was just confusing things and hurting me,” David explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you’re friends with her now just like that?” Laura asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I'm not friends with her, she is my mother, not my friend, I’ve made that clear to her too. And I know some kids have that relationship where their parent is their close friend but we will never have that. But she is my mum, and she does love me, and she did when we were kids too, and she loves you too. I just wanted to let you know where things stood really. I still don’t know what kind of relationship we can have, she… she abused us, I've talked about that in therapy a lot,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d gone over it so many times with Nadine these past few weeks. They’d talked about everything he’d gone through and she validated the way he’d been wronged. There was no justification for either his mum or his dad’s behaviour. There were reasons but that was not an excuse. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t forgive her, because they were both truly sorry and David really wanted to give them one more chance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he felt so much better not holding onto that anger, he felt like he could move on. But he got to keep them both in his life. He really did feel they had another shot at something resembling a family.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did dad?” Laura asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, neglect is abuse,” he told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He saw Matteo glance at him when he said that, lips twitching but he didn’t say anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I'm not telling you you have to forgive her, I'm telling you that I do. But there are conditions to that. I have to have full control over the relationship now, she needs to keep her distance, I don’t mind texting her, and maybe over the years we’ll get closer. But when I think about the future and stuff, and she’s there they both are. But like at a distance, and I definitely don’t want either of them having a huge part in my kids’ lives,” David said, “but at least I’ve learnt what not to do from them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He moved Matteo’s legs and got up, sitting back down on the floor next to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would like to state now that I also want no part in your kids’ lives, I'm not gonna be your free babysitter,” Laura joked, punching his arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can be their cool aunt though,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am cool,” Laura agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The coolest,” David said, high fiving her, “I went running today,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god,” Laura groaned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I haven't missed all the sports talk, your recovery has been a welcome break from all that,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh don’t start, what is your problem?” David demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just been years of this you know?” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be rude,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Matteo, did you know David broke my nose once when he was going through his boxing phase?” Laura asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was complete bullshit and a total exaggeration of what happened. And it wasn’t a boxing phase, he still quite liked it he just preferred football.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo’s eyes widened and he stared at David in shock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“David oh my god,” he whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! It wasn't’ even broken just a nosebleed,” David clarified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And a black eye,” Laura added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You punched her in the face?” Matteo asked, horrified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No I did not. Oh my god, we had a punching bag in the garage and she got in the way,” David told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The bag hit me and I fell on my face,” Laura said, putting Matteo’s mind at ease, “Ugh and all the bike rides you made me go on because you were too small to go by yourself. Trust me, Matteo I've been putting up with this for a long time,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He made me run this morning at five,” Matteo chipped in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“David,” Laura gasped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, look don’t the two of you gang up on me,” David warned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Poor Matteo,” she said dramatically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Funny,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo just shrugged and went back to his forms. He wasn't bothered about being dragged all over the place to keep him company. He loved it really.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not like obsessed with sports,” David insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it makes you feel good it’s fine David,” she assured him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It does. It used to be to help with the restlessness, the discomfort but now it's just... I'm good at it you know? It makes me feel good and strong,” he explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then that's good and you’ve made friends through it too,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly,” David agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“School year is almost over,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah wow,” he said, he almost couldn’t believe it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t believe how differently this term had gone from the last. Last term he’d just been pretending to be ok, sure he was doing fine academically but he’d been so lonely. And now look at him, he’d doubled his friend group, more than in fact. He was looking forward to the next few years, not just for graduating but for all the other things that would come with it. All the stuff they’d do together. He’d missed out on that in school, had spent his years lonely and angry, sad and afraid. How different things were now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve done so well I'm so proud of you David,” Laura said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wrapped his arm around her, holding her close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Laura,” he whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re my best friend my absolute best friend ok? I know sometimes I take you for granted but I love you so much, I'm so glad you’re my sister,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed and pulled away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah well this is awkward,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He frowned at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not my best friend,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop being an ass,” he muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too David,” she said, “did you know I hated you when you were born?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stared at her, shocked by this revelation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think in part it was because it was already so hard to get their attention but also you were so stupid when you were born,” she said, grinning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was a fucking baby,” David reminded her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know but I think I thought you would be cooler, like able to play with me at least,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When did you like me then?” he asked her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh I liked you straight away, I thought you were lovely, and I was fiercely protective of you. I still hated you at the same time, but I hated you for a long while I think. You were really badly behaved,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No dad said I was good,” he told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did he?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah something like that, he said I was good between the ages of three and five,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds about right, and then as you got past that you stopped doing what I said, questioning my authority,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How dare I, your mere younger brother, question your authority?” David asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly! I remember when you were maybe four and I convinced you to put chocolate spread in your hair just because, I think I told you it would help me braid it or something,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God you’re the worst,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But then you eventually learned to question me and it was why this, why that and you stopped blindly obeying me. Also, you got away with so damn much,” Laura pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” he said, but he knew she was right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You burnt a four hundred euro dress, David,” she reminded him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you remember that?” David asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus we didn’t stop hearing about it for years. You know the issue most parents would have had was that you were playing with lighters and yeah she confiscated it but she was more upset about the dress. And secretly deep down she was impressed, she was always impressed by your rebellion. Me? I ignored her mostly, she ignored me back but I think she liked fighting with you. That's not ok but I think she did,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d been thinking that for a while too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so too,” he said, “I told dad I felt like I'd never had a real conversation with him and that even though all the fights I had with mum were horrible, I still felt I knew her better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know each other's weaknesses, somehow it makes you closer, and I believe you when you say she loves us, you more than me,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, she loves you, Laura,” David insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She let you get away with everything David, you’re her favourite,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You buried my barbies in mass graves in the garden and she didn’t even punish you apart from telling you off about the mud, even though I cried,” Laura pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But she bought you more,” David said with a shrug, but she was right, he’d gotten away with a lot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Funny I think… I think you’re a lot like her and she sees that but where she went wrong was that she tried to make you more like her, more girly yeah, but also all the bad aspects too,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know a lot of its fake right? All that hoity-toity stuff is her trying to fit in with dad’s family,” David explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah that was a problem, he should have been a better husband or he should have let her go,” Laura agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m still pissed at him for cheating on her,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d been mad since she’d told him, in part because it made him feel sorry for her when that was the last thing he’d wanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah me too, like I'm not happy with her but that was still shitty,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And for this long? It’s disgusting but the way she stayed, I think it says something about who she really is,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t for the money?” Laura suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I talked to her about this. We had a long chat over the phone a week ago. If she left dad she would’ve got like half his money, and all the money she needed to take care of us,” David said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So why didn’t she leave?” Laura asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Several reasons, one you would have chosen to stay with dad right?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wondered what he would have done. Probably stayed with their dad too, not because he preferred him but because he would stay wherever Laura stayed. And his mum probably knew that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Laura agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She said that alone would’ve killed her, she knows it’s her fault but it would’ve hurt her so badly,” David told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because no matter what Laura thought, their mum loved her, she was her firstborn and she loved her dearly. She’d messed up so badly and had so many regrets. He hated it but he felt so sorry for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Laura said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And two she just kinda didn’t know how to be a person without dad anymore, he’d become her whole world and she didn’t know how to get away from that,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh that’s really fucking sad, now I'm really mad at him,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They were both so shitty,” he agreed, “she’s staying with Mel right now, trying to get her life back on track. Mel’s great, she’ll sort her out,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a good idea,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They were best friends, Mel missed her a lot,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did they fall out?” Laura asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lifestyle differences I think, mum just wanted to fit in with dad and his family,” David told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Man what a mess they both made. I still don’t forgive her, I feel sorry for her but I don’t forgive her,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That's fine Laura, it’s up to you,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But maybe… when she’s back we could all meet up, me, you and mum I mean, I think we need to keep mum and dad away from each other,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I'm not promising anything and if she's rude to me I will be rude back,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fair, I just think… you’re my true family, you and Matteo, you always will be, you’re there for me in ways they will never understand, but I still don’t want to let them go. They want to be a part of my life, in a way I can control and I want that too,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then that's fine, I kinda want that too, I'm going to give dad a piece of my mind when I next see him and yeah I'll talk to mum, will probably end up yelling at her,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She likes that though,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not wrong,” Laura agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laura’s phone buzzed and she looked down at it, a soft expression came over her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Linn?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ask her... if she wants to hang out… at the WG,” he suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glanced at Matteo who nodded his agreement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Safe place,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good idea,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, how’s this? ‘Hey Linn-’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god,” David teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keep going,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Linn, any plans? I'm free tonight if you want to hang out maybe I could come over,” Laura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Send it,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Super lame,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he thought she was being very brave. He wouldn't have had the nerve to send anything to Matteo before they were dating. Every time he had, it had taken him hours to build up his courage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“David you’ve had one boyfriend your entire life, you didn't even ask him out and you made me accompany you to his party,” Laura reminded him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah David you're no Casanova,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could be,” David said, winking at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No don’t be, you’re all mine,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am,” David agreed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh you two are the worst- oh god she’s texted back- oh my god!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” David demanded, ready to snatch the phone from her hand if she didn’t answer him right away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I free now?” Laura screeched.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you?” David teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god I have to go,” Laura said, getting up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah I mean who cares about me, your mere brother,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh David come on,” she said, bouncing up and down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This really was a big deal for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go then,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grabbed him and hugged him tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye David! Bye Matteo! Send those forms in,” Laura said, rushing to the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will, good luck Laura,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk soon David,” Laura said from the doorway where she was shoving on her shoes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David wandered over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll probably be too busy making out,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That's the dream,” she said, giving him a thumbs up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god,” David said as she rushed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He closed the door and headed back to Matteo, flopping down onto the sofa. Matteo put his feet back onto David’s legs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two are so funny,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s great,” David agreed, “I hope it goes well,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It will,” Matteo said, closing his laptop and placing it on the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All done?” David asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Matteo said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was tired out but relieved too, of all the stuff he was stressed about this morning the forms were the real issue. They’d been worrying him for a few days and the longer he left it the more wound up he got about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo looked around the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You tidied up?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Matteo said, smiling and relaxing further, “I’ll make lunch in a bit,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No rush,” David said, relaxing into the couch, he didn’t want to move anytime soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Later, Matteo fell asleep properly, curled up on the sofa. He’d made them pasta for lunch, plus enough pasta for dinner and for the same tomorrow. He apologised for not going grocery shopping. David reassured him that pasta was fine, it was actually delicious, Matteo made good pasta, he told him so and that if it were down to him they’d be eating frozen pizza. That cheered him up, had him teasing him in Italian again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But now he was sleeping peacefully, filling out the forms had tired him out and frustrated him but at least it was done. He was all set. David was so grateful they’d had Laura there to help them with it. With stuff like that he wouldn’t have believed David, would have thought he was biased, even though David was pretty sure Laura was just as likely to be biased. Matteo didn’t see it that way. David was so excited for him, he couldn't wait for him to start studying. He knew he’d be so great at it. He couldn’t wait for Matteo to start working and was so happy he’d figured out his passion. How different he was already, compared to how lost he’d been months ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David had just fondly covered him with a blanket before kneeling down on the floor in front of the wall. He’d spread his paints out all around him and was carefully painting the soft grass, the same as he’d seen at Ingrid’s. He’d been round several times over the past month, Ingrid assuring him and Matteo that they could use the garden as they please. That was what it was there for. and last time he was there he’d taken some pictures for reference. If the social work thing didn’t work out Matteo could definitely be a gardener, Ingrid’s garden was absolutely beautiful. David couldn't wait to see it in the summer. He couldn’t wait for whatever garden they had when they had their own house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew the clearing by Mel’s house didn’t have the grass and flowers like this, but this was his mural and he could paint it exactly how he wanted. He’d had another idea, would need Matteo’s help for it. He wanted to do a silhouette of the two of them, holding hands in the middle. He could see it now, he’d repaint them every time, taking a photo each time, the seasons changing all around them as the years went by. It would be amazing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had on one of Matteo’s quiet playlists, while he worked. It was one of the ones that he fell asleep to sometimes, David chose it so that he didn't wake up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The windows were thrown open wide, bright afternoon sun streaming in. It was warm and still but not uncomfortably so, it was only spring. David was sitting there without a top on, mostly to avoid getting paint all over it. But also just because he could. He could sit there comfortably, completely at ease without a shirt, the sun on his back, while he painted away, gentle strokes bringing his vision to life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a while, he realised he was being watched. He turned over his shoulder to see Matteo watching him sleepily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” he whispered, not wanting to break the quiet peace of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing, it’s just nice,” Matteo said, just as quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David just waited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s like you always relax when you’re drawing or painting, you go into this zone, but before there was still this stiffness in the way you held yourself, like you could never properly relax. I could see it in your shoulders, in your neck, this tension, and now? This is how you're supposed to be right? when you’re painting this is how it should be,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never realised just how much weight I was holding,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d never noticed how much he used to hunch himself over, then the other day Finn asked him if his surgery had made him taller. It didn’t, not like how he meant, but in a way it did. He stood taller now, shoulders back, head high. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Matteo agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David turned back to the wall and looked over his work again, smiling at how beautiful it was looking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel so good Matteo,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not a fix for everything but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it’s not just the surgery, that's what’s led to this posture change but it’s also sorting things with your parents, making friends, you’re doing well in school-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Moving in with you,” David reminded him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No I mean the-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Moving in with you was the best thing I did, after the surgery,” David said, firmly, leaving no room for arguments.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” Matteo said, blushing slightly and smiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not kidding,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He got down from the sofa and crawled over to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Feeling good?” David asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo nodded and laid down in front of him, placing his head in his lap. David tangled his fingers in his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I'm glad I got those forms done,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was stressing you out,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He continued to paint with one hand in Matteo’s hair, Matteo just watched the way he moved the brush, eyes slightly unfocused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, a bit but er… I read Dr Meyer’s letter and she’s so bossy in it. She really thinks I can do it, and she made it seem like they really owe me to help me. I know you and Laura told me too. But the way she says it, David, they’ll have to do what she says, it doesn't even matter about the forms,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly they don’t want to get on her bad side,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was liking this Dr Meyer more and more, every time Matteo mentioned her. She was so supportive of him. Her and Lea both.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Lea is already working on some plans to help me with workload stuff and stress and I'm still really excited David, the forms were a stress, but I’m excited about it, I really am,” Matteo said, looking up at him with heavy eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really want this and… and I'm going to be good at it,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And David loved that, loved his confidence. He had every right to be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are,” David agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I help paint?” Matteo asked, looking up at the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Wanna finish the birds? Can you climb up and fill them in? And do one more? A little higher than the one on the right,” David explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo nodded and stood up, approaching the ladder. David grabbed the stencil and the paints.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t fall,” David warned, placing the stuff on the top step of the ladder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t,” Matteo said, relaxed, climbing higher.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It always unsettled him watching Matteo on the ladders. Matteo grabbed the stencil and reached up to hang it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you get it higher… without stretching?” David asked him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah hold on,” Matteo said, climbing up another step.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Without stretching Matteo,” he warned, holding the ladder steady. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No I've got it,” Matteo insisted, reaching further.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Matteo!” David warned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got it I won’t fall,” Matteo joked, stretching even more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ladder wobbled and David gripped it tight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Matteo!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok ok. Here?” he said, holding the stencil in place on the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s fine,” David said, relaxing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine David,” Matteo said, dipping his brush in the black paint and starting to fill in the bird.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just don’t take unnecessary risks ok?” David said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah ok sorry... sometimes I just… it’s an attention thing,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David knew what he meant, Matteo had explained it to him before. How after his dad stopped talking to him he would act out, do stuff he was told not to do just for a chance of getting told off because that to him was preferable to being ignored. Once he’d burnt his hand on a radiator just so his dad had to take him to the hospital and stay home to look after him for a few days. How Matteo’s father thought that was better for him, David would never know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re used to taking risks because no one pays attention,” David said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Matteo said, he’d obviously forgotten himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I'm paying attention now so don’t,” David said, probably a touch too stern.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” Matteo said quietly, biting his lip, not looking down at David.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Matteo,” David said, more gently, “I love you ok? I’m not mad, you just scared me is all,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo smiled down at him before turning back to the birds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David watched him, still holding the ladder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so glad we moved in,” David said, as he watched Matteo paint.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too,” Matteo said, not taking his eyes off the task at hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re relaxed here too,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am,” Matteo agreed, finishing the bird with a flourish then turning to the next one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t half bad at this, and he enjoyed it too. He’d told David he found it very relaxing, the brush strokes, filling in the stencils. David explained to him how much of a lifesaver art was for him. How it was his way of pouring out his feelings when he just couldn’t voice them, when there were no words or he was too angry, he drew. He drew and drew and drew and over the years he’d gotten pretty good at it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can't believe how much has changed for me, for us,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All good,” David whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything was so good now, he was happy yes, ecstatically so. But he was also safe, he was content, he was in love, and he was envisioning the brightest of futures. In all his life he’d never felt this settled, calm. It was a happiness he’d never known before now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he was done Matteo climbed back down and David went back to where he’d been sitting. Matteo sat down next to him. David swiped his fingers through the green paint then ran his finger over Matteo’s nose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo just giggled, not rising to the bait and retaliating like David wanted. So instead he gripped the hem of Matteo’s shirt and pulled him into his lap. Then Matteo dipped a finger in the paint. David grabbed his wrist to stop him but Matteo just stared back until David allowed him to lower his finger to his chest and trace a tiny heart there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David closed his eyes for a moment or he would burst at the way Matteo was looking at him right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you,” he whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you too,” Matteo said softly, “it looks good, the wall,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it does. It’s almost done, I'll do a bit more work on it tomorrow. I want to do our silhouettes in the middle, I’ll need your help and then I think that's it,” David told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what’s next?” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should do some work,” David said, stretching gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah you should lazy bones,” Matteo said, kissing him softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about you?” David asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Might read some stuff Amira sent or Jonas asked if I wanted to play some new game online,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was pretty obvious what he’d rather do. And why shouldn’t he? It was Saturday.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can, you know? Not everything you do has to be work or school stuff,” David reminded him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you’re doing your essay,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be quiet,” Matteo promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David wasn’t bothered about that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don't have to be, if you’re too loud I'll borrow your headphones,” David said, getting from the floor with a groan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were the new fancy noise-cancelling ones his dad had ordered for him when Matteo had explained his issues with noise and how the ones he had needed to be so loud to block out the noise around him. His dad didn’t really get the concept of noise-cancelling, Matteo had explained the science of it to him in great detail. He’d done the same to David and he was none the wiser either. Physics wasn’t his forte.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But they were really cool, so effective they’d made Matteo feel dizzy the first time he’d put them on. But it meant he could listen to chill music on the bus at a reasonable volume and still block out the other passengers. Quietly block out the world when he needed it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David just liked them because they were cool, and the sound quality was amazing, better than any of the speakers they had. Whenever he was in a certain mood where he just needed to listen to something loud and angry he would steal them from Matteo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo didn’t mind, had set him up with his own profile because they were that fancy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo’s papa was awesome, it didn’t make up for the years of absence but David did notice that whenever Matteo needed something if he asked, his father wouldn’t even let him justify his need. He just took Matteo’s word at face value and gave him whatever he could. Like if stuff was too loud he bought him headphones to drown out the noise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo would only ever ask for things he needed not stuff he wanted, they all knew that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watched Matteo flop down on the sofa and open up whatever game he was going to play on his laptop. David wouldn’t even need the headphones really, he didn’t mind the background noise. And he loved to hear Matteo happy. He turned up the quiet music that was still playing, just a little and sat down at the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled out the notes Lucy had given him on technicolour and tried to focus. This was a dry topic but he understood the importance. He opened up his essay which was about half done. He’d started from the invention of technicolour and was up to the introduction of sound. He would move through the big breakthroughs in cinema up to computers and CGI and beyond that to drone shooting and the impact of artificial intelligence. It was interesting, even if he was a bit traditional, he knew the need for computers. Hell, all cameras these days were computers with all the features he needed to assist him with his projects. And he would love a drone. Maybe he would save up for one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He read through the notes again as the ideas started to come and it didn’t take long for him to get into the zone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He carried on his essay discussing the technologies Vitaphone and Movietone which allowed the addition of sound to movies back in the forties. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was slow going as any analysis of this depth would be but he managed another page on sound before moving to the advent of television and the impact of that on the industry. From there he started discussing animation and the advances in that particular branch of film. He discussed the impact of computers there and then tied it back to the main aspects of the essay by continuing with the effect computers had on live-action film. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he was done with that he went back and tidied up his intro now he knew where the essay was going. He looked back at his outline. From computers, he would cover the internet and current technologies then finish up with his thoughts on the future of technology in the industry. He’d made some good progress, in fact, another hour and he would be done. But he needed a break, his eyes were hurting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“David?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” David said, looking up, glad of the distraction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ran a hand through his hair and stretched.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna call my papa, I won’t be too loud,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David sat upright at that, excited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No that’s fine, go ahead,” he insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know I said I wasn’t going to but I feel better now,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then you should,” David said, saving his work and closing his laptop so he could give Matteo his full attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” Matteo asked with a frown.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Waiting for you to call your dad,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… why did you close your laptop? Carry on working,” Matteo said, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David did not understand how Matteo still didn’t get it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I'm all done,” David lied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No you’re not. You closed it as soon as I said I was going to ring papa,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, how the hell am I supposed to concentrate on this essay if you’re on the phone? Video games are one thing but this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? I said I’d be quiet,” Matteo said, no idea what David was talking about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can be as loud as you want,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo just looked at him blankly. David stood up from the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re all sexy when you talk Italian,” David said as he approached, climbing on top of Matteo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No I'm not,” Matteo said, his entire face bright red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean I think you’re sexy all the time, but when you’re speaking Italian it's really hot,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go away,” Matteo said, putting his whole hand over David’s face and pushing him away, still blushing hard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>David just licked his hand and Matteo shoved him away. Matteo laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m calling my </span>
  <em>
    <span>papa,</span>
  </em>
  <span> there’s nothing sexy about that,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I don’t know what you’re saying, do I? I just hear you talking and I swoon,” David insisted, but he got off Matteo so he could make his call.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop it,” Matteo whined, flopping back on the sofa and pulling out his phone, “stop watching me, go work,” he insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David nodded and sat back down at the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sound nice,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When you’re speaking to your dad, I like the way your voice sounds,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was different, softer if that were even possible. Matteo had a soft, quiet voice in German, in Italian it was even softer but somehow not as quiet. He didn’t speak any louder but it carried more, was surer, the melody in it catching anyone’s attention. David could listen to him speak for hours. Had downloaded books in Italian just so he could read them to it. Matteo didn’t get why he would want to listen to something he couldn’t understand. But he did it anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god shut up,” Matteo said, throwing a cushion at him, “do your work,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” David huffed, turning back to his laptop and opening it up again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His boyfriend was so mean. Suddenly his essay wasn’t interesting anymore. But he said he would focus so he opened up a new document and decided to make a start on his queer cinema one instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ciao papa, come va?” Matteo said on the phone</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David peeked around the laptop, Matteo just grinned at him, flipped him off and carried on his conversation. This was going to be a test for David.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabbed his notepad and started to outline what he wanted to say trying to ignore the sounds of soft Italian coming from his boyfriend over on the sofa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He started listing films from the past three decades he wanted to cover, making a separate list of what he needed to watch. But then Matteo laughed and he couldn’t help but look up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bastard blew him a kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He broke his list down by the point of view of the narrator, then again by the general tone of the movie, separating the depressing from the more positive stuff. He made list after list. After a while, he looked down and realised he had too many variables and needed to reign it in. He needed to choose his theme. Focus. He started penning out ideas, finally tuning Matteo out and focusing, getting into the zone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But every now and then he’d lose it and end up staring at his boyfriend. This was impossible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a deep breath and turned to his screen. He began to type out his introduction and get started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Working hard?” Matteo said, about three seconds later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David jumped out of his skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Er.. yeah,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How many words?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glanced at the very blank screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like ten,” he admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo burst out laughing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, because I started my other essay, I've almost finished my first one,” David insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo just sat down opposite him, blowing him a kiss. David rolled his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s your dad?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s good, he’s still at nonna’s house,” Matteo told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We still gonna visit in the summer?” David asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo had said that they would stay with his father probably in Rome, or maybe Viterbo where his nonna lived. It depended on where his dad rented. But they were under no circumstances to go see his grandfather. Matteo was adamant about that and he knew not to argue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Matteo had found out what the man had done to his father that was it. And Matteo was a forgiving person. But some things couldn’t be forgiven. And the fact that his grandfather’s action had had such traumatic effects on his father, so bad that he’d lost him for so long, was unforgettable to him. This was a situation where he felt like even attempting to forgive his grandfather would be minimising his own father’s trauma. And even though his dad had said it was in the past, Matteo couldn’t rationalise it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah I hope so,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’ll be nice, where else will we go?” David asked, closing the laptop and pushing it aside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One of us should've learnt to drive,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh I don’t wanna drive,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me either,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was too much stress and they lived in the city, they didn’t need to. Although the idea of driving Matteo around was pretty appealing. He would learn one day just for that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Plus it's bad for the environment. Maybe instead of hitchhiking we could do trains and buses, they're not brilliant but we could just go all over, take our time,” Matteo said, “I’ve been saving and stuff, we can do hostels but mama would rather we stayed in apartments, so every hostel or campsite we choose has to be vetted by papa. He’s not as worried, he says we should just take a tent and wander the lands, he did that as a teenager, most farmers then would let you pitch up for a couple of nights. He’s pretty sure we could do that,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That sounded amazing, it was what they were supposed to do last time. But they didn’t get to camp much due to lack of planning and the numerous times they got lost. Plus Matteo’s mama’s worries about them being murdered, and Matteo being too much of a goody two-shoes to go against her. And David being too scared of Laura to go against her. It had been more hostels and sofa surfing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the few times they did sleep under the stars were David’s favourites.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So where would we go?” David asked again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Down the coast? I dunno I've never really explored, papa was in Rome, now he’s at nonna’s but I'd only ever been to those two places before last year. But that was a rush, and it was random. I'd like to see more, see it properly,” Matteo said. “We can do the cities during the day but stay out in the country, or see the nightlife I don’t mind,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It all sounded wonderful. David would happily follow him all over Italy. He was also looking forward to meeting Matteo’s dad, staying with him for a while. He probably should be nervous but he wasn’t. They'd spoken a couple of times on the phone now, and he was so like Matteo it was unreal. His German was heavily accented with Italian but his voice was just as soft as Matteo’s. Deeper and older but he couldn’t help but trust him, could tell right away just why he’d been so good for Matteo when he was a kid. There was a patience there in his voice that David had rarely heard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be fun,” David assured him, “we’ll make a plan, it’ll be a bit more organised than last time,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Matteo agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then what? We head back to Rome, pick up your dad and we all head back to Berlin together?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dunno,” Matteo shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still being evasive?” David asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. No not evasive, he wants to come back but… he’s scared,” Matteo told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To see you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To see mama, she's not angry at him anymore and like they talk all the time, but he’s ashamed,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d talked about this with Julia before, how she missed her husband, That she didn’t know what would happen between them, but she wanted him back home for Matteo’s sake. But they were both adults. They could figure it out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He misses her,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like misses being together with her,” Matteo clarified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got you,” David said, “do you think they'll get back together?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No idea but I hope not,” Matteo said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David stood up and took Matteo’s hand, pulling him up and leading him over to the sofa. Matteo laid down and David laid on top of him, resting his head under his chin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah just they seem better apart,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David nodded, looking up at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“True but maybe they’re in a better place now, more capable of working it out,” David suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not gonna kick off or anything they can do what they want,” Matteo muttered, he didn’t seem bitter or anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t tense or angry. Maybe a little sad at what had been lost between all of them but he didn’t begrudge them their second chance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Matteo if they do get back together, I think even if they have problems they know not to pull you into now,” David assured them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Parents are hard, huh?” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, they are. Mine are finalising their divorce,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Most kids would probably feel sad about that but he just felt relief for both of them. They were free of each other and they both still wanted him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was quick,” Matteo said, pressing a kiss to his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean it still takes time, but he’s been cheating for years. He’s moved in with Sandra, you know his girlfriend, now he seems happy enough,” David told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He still hadn’t met her since he was at his dad’s office. It wasn’t exactly her fault but right now he wanted nothing to do with her. He would eventually meet her properly, it was obvious at this point that she wasn't going anywhere. She was going to be a part of his life, he had to get used to that. But there was no rush. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well at least he’s happy,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I think it's better this way. I think they’re both finally happy. Me and Laura weren’t enough to fix a relationship and they’ve only just realised it. God imagine only figuring all this out in your late forties,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We are incredibly lucky David, not many people get it right this early,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve got it right have we?” David asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah I'm sure of it,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve told you before it isn’t luck. We work at this,” David told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, but with our parents, how could they have worked at it? My parents are ill and traumatised, your parents are cheaters and insecure, so what was the solution?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok well…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David thought about it, there wasn’t really a solution but he knew why Matteo was asking. He wanted to know if there was anything he could have done to stop his family from falling apart. To know why things had ended up the way they had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They needed to talk,” David suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk?” Matteo said dubiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With my mum and dad yeah. It would have been painful but he should have told her he’d found someone else, he should have left and she shouldn’t have had us to keep the marriage together. I'm glad she did, and… and I will always be there for her, I will never let her be alone like she’s so afraid of. I know she doesn't deserve it but I still want to. But if she’d just left him, not taken it out on me, taken the time to understand me all of us would have been a lot happier,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok and mine?” Matteo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok this is less their fault, maybe I'm biased because mine always seem worse but yeah they needed to try harder. But they had things a lot tougher. Your dad needed to deal with his traumas, I do get how hard that must have been for him and it saddens me that he’s only just dealing with it now. Your mum god I love her so much, I know she let you down but she’s been so good to me I can't help it. I think for them things were just so stacked against them. They needed help and they didn’t get it, maybe because they didn't reach out, maybe because their own problems played off the other and they just had no chance. But there is </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span> you could have done differently to fix that,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Except not run into traffic,” Matteo joked darkly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it wasn’t that it would have been something else,” David insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They have a chance now?” Matteo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah I think they do, your mum still loves him,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He loves her too,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Most kids would want their parents back together,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was so bad near the end,” Matteo reminded him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. So you know what you need to do?” David asked him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo looked down at him, eyes soft and fond, reassured by his words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk to them?” he guessed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, so what about us? Because yeah it's so easy right now but what if that makes us complacent? What if I start school and I'm working and we see each other less and less? What if you go away to make movies and you meet cool people who are into film and you come back and you're like what on earth is keeping me here? What if I get worse? What if I stop talking? Or I get so depressed I can’t move? What then?” Matteo asked, eyes shining.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was always so quick to tear up, his emotions always running at the surface, always changing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>David moved over him so he could press a kiss to his lips then lean his forehead against Matteo’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“None of that will happen. It’s not easy right now what are you talking about? We put in the work, right now it just </span>
  <em>
    <span>feels </span>
  </em>
  <span>easy because it’s love and that love isn’t going anywhere. Remember when I could barely move and you had to help me use the fucking toilet? Did that feel like work to you?” David asked him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No I was helping you,” Matteo said like it was the most obvious thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah exactly and why?” David asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I love you,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And is that going to stop?” David asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Matteo said, sure of that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If there was one thing either of them were sure of it was that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then we're fine. It’s easy because we love each other. Yeah, we’re going to fight it’s inevitable we’ve got hopefully eighty or ninety years left together how can we not fight? But Matteo even if we disagree, even if I think you’re wrong, even if we’re screaming at each other and storming off I will always always listen to you, even if it doesn’t go in right away. I will always take the time for you, always pay attention to you even if I'm spitting mad, and I know you’d do the same for me. I don’t think we’ll ever fight like that, that's the worst-case scenario. We fight now and it’s never like that, we disagree but nothing ever makes me love you less. I can’t promise there won’t be bigger fights but we will get through them, right now I promise you that,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Matteo said quietly, kissing him because he had no words to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“School is probably going to make it harder. We’re both going to be busy but we will check in every day. We’ll spend at least two hours a day just chatting or talking or just being together ok? I will never tire of your company, and no matter who I meet over the years I know no one will ever compare to you. You are the first person who ever saw me, knew me and I will never let anyone in like that again, how you said I'm your person? You’re mine ok? No one else ever. I know this, there is nothing I'm surer of. And you are not going to get any worse, yeah things might change for you but that’s not going to change us. Or it will, we’ll adapt. And if you stop talking who cares? We don’t need words to talk, I'll just learn to read your mind,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo laughed at that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And god if you get depressed like that I will do everything I can to drag you out of it, even if that’s giving you space because you getting better would be my top priority. But whatever you need I'll give you. We are going to be fine don’t you worry,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ninety years?” Matteo asked softly, eyes filled with wonder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah minimum,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t believe you’ll put up with me that long,” Matteo said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll put up with you until the end of time Matteo Florenzi,” David whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo just blushed and cuddled closer. David loved that he believed him now when he said stuff like that. Because it was the truth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He still remembered that day lying in Matteo’s bed telling him how he didn’t believe in fate, that in the case of a natural disaster he wouldn’t take anyone just run and save himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who would you take with you? In the case of a natural disaster?” David asked him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo rolled his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You of course, who would you take?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo huffed, put out by his response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one?” he asked, pouting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t run and hide, I'd run to you, I will always run to you,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matteo stared for a moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even if aliens are invading?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If there's some horrific disaster and we’re all gonna die, I'm spending my last seconds on earth with you,” David said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow,” Matteo whispered, “I wanna change my answer, I wanna run to you too,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can, I’ll be waiting, arms open,” David promised, “but I will always run to you Matteo, no matter where life takes me, I'll always come back to you,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because Matteo was home, there was nowhere else. It didn’t matter where in the world they were, where they ended up, with Matteo by his side he would always be home.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As with most things I write this is something I wanted to read and wanted more rep on. I found myself putting a lot of feelings into it. But I have a lot of feelings about everything I covered and writing about them is always cathartic.<br/>Matteo’s uni application was based on the help I got, here in the UK, it is probably different in Germany, better or worse I don’t know. And actually I know it’s different even between uni’s here but I got a lot of really good support so if it seems unrealistic that’s just my own experience of it.<br/><a href="http://www.youmustbestrongernow.tumblr.com">theo (@youmustbestrongernow)</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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